Giggles, Grace and Gratitude

remembering.

2012-01-12T08:30:00.000-05:00

I went to Germany in October to see my sister Susan and meet my nephew, Grey. My brother in law is currently serving in Afghanistan (which by the way he gets home today for his two week leave!). My main objective was to help Susan get Grey back to the United States for a couple of months. I was there for 8 days. I learned so much while I was there. I am going to share one story of many. But, this story is something I have thought about every.single.day.since.my.return.

We went to Flossenburg Concentration Camp. We got there at about closing time. The sun was setting. The wind was blowing. It was a sobering moment. I could not speak. We walked along and all I could imagine was how many people walked this same ground to their death. We went up to one section and Susan left to go and feed the baby. I was there all by myself.

I started to read the plaque. And immediately I knew one of the men. Dietrich Bonhoeffer. It took my breath away. Still does. Even thinking about it. I read about how he was executed 2 weeks before the liberation of Flossenburg. Oh, sweet Lord.

As I walked, tears streaming down my face and wind blowing and the sun setting. I was desperately searching for His face. Where were you, Lord? Where?

Then I see the monument with the names of the men who gave their lives for Christ. With a Cross and this scripture:

"for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7

I hardly have words.

But it is this quote about Bonhoeffer's death that I can't quit thinking about:

The camp doctor who witnessed the execution wrote: “I saw Pastor Bonhoeffer ... kneeling on the floor praying fervently to God. I was most deeply moved by the way this lovable man prayed, so devout and so certain that God heard his prayer. At the place of execution, he again said a short prayer and then climbed the few steps to the gallows, brave and composed. His death ensued after a few seconds. In the almost fifty years that I worked as a doctor, I have hardly ever seen a man die so entirely submissive to the will of God.”^[31]

^{Think about that.}

^{Then about two weeks after returning from Germany, I am outside with the kids. A car pulls up slowly. The lady stops and says, "I am trying to get Mr. Miller to look at your blow up pumpkin (which was a clearance purchase and pretty awesome). Do you know Mr. Miller?" Me, "No, I don't." Lady, "Mr. Miller lives a few houses down. He is one of the last remaining survivors of Auschwitz." Then she proceeded to show me the tattoo on his arm. Took my breath away. Again. I had no words. (Which is unusual for all who know me well;))}

^{I googled Mr. Miller. He suffered a stroke 20 years ago and had not spoken since. This is the article that I read. Mr. Miller passed away in December. I just found a video that a local news station did on Mr. Miller.}

^{These two men never lost their faith. And they have given me Hope. And changed me.}

^{And stirred in me the question, "Am I willing to be submissive to the will of God? No matter what it looks like?"}

^{I will always remember. Because remembering is good. Even if the situation was not. Remembering helps to keep our eyes and heart fixed on the Lord.}

cherish.

2011-11-27T15:52:00.001-05:00

There are so many things that have happened in the past few months. I am having a hard time wrapping my head and my heart around it all. And that is what I usually try to do. Figure it all out. Try to write the perfect post. Then beat myself down. Oh, the cycle.

The above pictures are me at or around the same age as Lawson. Five to Five and a half years old. My mom handed me a bag of old pictures when I was visiting home the last time. A few days after we returned to our home, I opened up the bad. I was overcome with emotion. Lawson looks so much like me. But, the one thing that is different is that Lawson feels secure. She feels treasured. She knows she is cherished.

How do I know this? Well, her daddy comes home every night excited to see her. She lights up when she sees her daddy. She runs to him (most of the time. we are not the Beaver's. i promise.) Sometimes she squeals. My mom told me that some of the hardest times for her to watch me was when my real father just wouldn't show to pick me up for his visitation. I can't even imagine how my mom must have felt. I ache over some of the smallest things with my own children.

Looking back, I don't remember those instances, but it does explain the lifelong struggle that has ensued because of it. The thought that I can't do anything to make someone love me. I will never be enough. You will get to know me and want to leave. And you will never want to come back. Then when and if you do show back up, I owe you something. And that something will never be enough to make you want to stay.

I spent my life building little ways to protect myself. So ingrained I didn't even notice. Until I reached the pit. The place where my face couldn't fall any further past the ground. The dirt and grime of struggling to protect myself. Make everything just so. So my family would not have to suffer like I did. They would have what I did not.

While I was busy building all these little "protection mechanisms", I realized that I had absolutely no control over how my family would turn out. And this made me mad. It made me angry. It made me tired. It made me panic. It made me scared. It made me call out to God. Because I didn't think I could go on.

I thought my family would be better off without me. (I was not suicidal. But, I did want to leave. Not sure where I would have gone.)

Oh, how it pains me to even write that. How could I feel like that when I love them more than the air I breathe. How, Lord? Why, Lord? What are You doing to me, Lord? You (The Lord) are going to leave too. Maybe You are taking them from me. This is punishment for my own wretchedness. Awesome. Great.

But, in His great mercy, He has chiseled and chiseled so many things off my soul. He has taught me so much. In looking at the above pictures, He has given me eyes to see His love for me in a very different way. I can see Him in my husband. I can see Him in my children. I see His love for me in the way He has restored my family. Redeemed and restored the things that were broken. I see His goodness to me. And I am thankful. Especially when I look at the pictures below. I get to see a little bit of what I would have been like as a child. And He whispers in my ear, "Trust me, Allison. Trust me. I have you in the Palm of My Hand. Your name is engraved there. (Isaiah 49:16) And I am not ever going to leave you or forsake you. (Joshua 1:5) My Promises are true. I want you to have good things. (Jeremiah 32:37-41, 2 Peter 1:4) I will not bring you harm. I will keep chiseling and you keep trusting, Me."

joy and doubt

2011-08-22T12:48:00.000-04:00

"But the secret of joy is to keep seeking God where you doubt He is."

Ann Voskamp.

I opened her book like I do every so often.

Especially when I am seeking Him.

And I read the sentence above.

Over and Over I recited this in my head.

Where are the places I have doubted God?

I started listing them in my head.

All the way to the most current doubts.

And all of the doubts have led me to Him.

Not away from Him.

Even though I might not sense His presence,
keep seeking His Face.

I can't tell you how many drafts I have written and not posted.
I have felt pretty dry in the writing department.
Or maybe I have been running away a little.
Or maybe it was just soaking up time with the kids.
We have had such a wonderful summer.
We are blessed.

Continuing with giving thanks........

707. precious time in the mountains with MB.
708. that the mountain lion that MB's parents saw was not there when we were there.
709. for the transition to a new school.
710. for both of my children to like school.
711. daily grace that i receive.
712. clean clothes.
713. clipping hydrangeas to dry.
714. fun day at the lake with our friends.
715. laughter.
716. that mac likes baseball.
717. the courage of a dear friend going back to work. she has a true gift. so proud of you:)
718. for the cardinal with a messed up head who shows up just when i need to see him.
719. drawing near to my children when they have upset me.
720. compassion instead of harshness.
721. leighton.

^{1 Peter 5:6-14.}

⁶ Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, ⁷ casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. ⁸ Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. ⁹ Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. ¹⁰And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. ¹¹ To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.

Final Greetings

¹²By Silvanus, a faithful brother as I regard him, I have written briefly to you, exhorting and declaring that this is the true grace of God. Stand firm in it. ¹³She who is at Babylon, who is likewise chosen, sends you greetings, and so does Mark, my son. ¹⁴ Greet one another with the kiss of love.
Peace to all of you who are in Christ.

Light

2011-07-12T18:33:00.001-04:00

So, my posts have been pretty deep lately. The last post was inspired after stripping all of the toys out of La's room. It has been coming. She now has just books in her room.

I also took all or her clothes and left her with 8 outfits and 2 dresses. You may ask why. Well, she is quite the fashionista. She takes biker shorts to another level. She changes outfits 20 times a day. Throws tantrums when she can't wear something.

We have already seen an improvement. I do not think I am going to put toys back in her room. She does still have toys in the porch. I am planning on doing some organizing tomorrow:).

These are a few things I al thankful for:

•my immersion blender.
•banana and peanut butter smoothie. Every. Single. Day.
•air condition. Especially in South Carolina heat.
•my parents safely arrived in Germany.
•becoming an aunt again.
•an amazing testimony I heard at church today.
•tide and downy. Mmmmmm.
•clean sheets.
•tacos al carbon. Here I come.
•friends.
•tootsie roll. The song. You know what I am talking about:). It helped me on my run this am in 100 degrees:)

- Posted using BlogPress from
my iPhone

stripped.

2011-07-10T13:58:00.000-04:00

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines stripped as:

a : to remove clothing, covering, or surface matter from

b : to deprive of possessions

c : to divest of honors, privileges, or functions

When I truly began to walk with the Lord 4 1/2 years ago, I was stripped.

I remember my mother telling me over the phone,

"Baby, get down on your knees and pray. He is the only One Who can help you."

I hung up the phone and got on my knees.

Burning tears streaming down my face.

I cried out to the Lord.

Ever since that day, the Lord has been wooing me to Himself.

I felt stripped.

My heart was changing.

I didn't quite understand what was going on.

But, now I see.

I had to be brought to my knees.

I had to know that He was the Only way.

Not my way.

I pretty much did anything to avoid suffering.

Most of the time I would just stick these hurts in a box and put them on a shelf.

But, you see these boxes filled with broken pieces of my heart,

were falling down.

I was drowning in the sorrows of all my suffering.

It was only in the waves,

struggling to breath

is where I found

Him.

I couldn't manipulate my way out of the pain.

I was stripped.

To the core of my soul.

In His grace and His mercy,

He stripped me of my coverings and the surface matters,

to get to my heart.

To see my sin.

My wretched, wretched heart.

And change it from the inside out.

Ever since that day and until the day I meet Him face to face,

He chips a little more off that He doesn't want to be there.

But, every time I am stripped,

He restores.

He gives me hope.

He fills me with His Truth.

And from the stripping

my love for Him grows.

And grows.

He picks me up when I fall.

He is tender.

He is full of compassion.

He wants what is best for me.

He loves me more than I can imagine.

And I trust Him.

701. my brother in law, Davis, who is about to deploy to Afghanistan. Two weeks after the birth of his first child.

702. my sister, Susan, who is about to have her first baby and her husband leave for war.

703. for the sacrifice others give for our freedom.

704. that Jesus was the Sacrifice. so we could have life. freedom in Him.

705. that I am a new creation. the old is being stripped off. layer. by layer.

706. and the new is growing toward the Light.

picture me {im}perfectly.

2011-07-06T14:14:00.001-04:00

you are not picture perfect,

your kids are not picture perfect,

your house is not picture perfect,

your crafts are not always picture perfect,

let's

encourage,

inspire and

remind

other women

that none of us have it all together.

Yesterday I saw one of the most beautiful sunrises I have ever seen.

It literally took my breath away.

I didn't even have time to take a picture.

I also got to see the sun set yesterday and it was beautiful as well.

The sunrise and the sunset were perfect.

Everything in between was not so perfect.

But, you know what?

He is.

Perfect.

He covers all my faults.

My sins.

My shortcomings.

My failures.

He has me in the Palm of His Hand.

His Perfect Hand.

682. breathtaking sunrise.

683. a run with my bff from childhood.

684. fabulous long weekend with my family in Alabama.

685. cousins playing. laughing. smiling.

686. donkey noises.

687. a haircut.....ahhhhh:)

688. jasper's hair cut.

689. desserts.

690. my 8 year old sitting in my lap at the doctor's office.

691. an unexpected wink from my boy.

692. Lawson's hilariousness.

693. my water bottle. love it.

694. pen pals. old school. style.

695. anger that is dissipating.

696. love that covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter:4:8

697. sleeping in.

698. bug collections.

699. tattoos.

700. clean clothes. tide and downy. fresh and clean.

picture me {im}perfectly.focusing.

2011-06-29T22:21:00.001-04:00

i love how the Lord works.
sometimes i wish it didn't take me so long to catch on.
summers have usually been hard on me.
this year the Lord has been so gracious.
i have truly enjoyed most of it so far.

my main problem is focus.
it hit me tonight like a ton of bricks.
i have a.d.d.
in a big way.
focusing has always been a problem.(since i was little.)
and it is SO frustrating.
my friend described it as a traffic jam.
um.yes.in.a.big.kind.of.way.

i left tonight to have some time by myself.
because i do not get much of this treasured time as of late.
i needed it.
major traffic jam.
it has been on yellow.light. for some time now.
RED.LIGHT.

i go to chick-fil-a.
library parking lot.
eat my sandwich.
drive off.
go to a park.
text with friend.
talk to friend.
dump truck. (love you, lo.)

breathe.
feel a whole lot better.
write a letter.
pull out the book.
skim over parts.
ahhhh. like fresh air.
breathe.

"when laundry is for the dozen arms of children or the dozen legs, it's true, i think i'm due some appreciation. so comes a storm of trouble and lightning strikes joy. but when Christ is the center, when dishes, laundry, work, is my song of thanks to Him, joy rains. passionately serving Christ alone makes us the loving servant to all. when the eyes of the heart focus on God, and the hands on always washing the feet of Jesus alone - the bone, they sing joy, and the work returns to its purest state: eucharisteo. The work becomes worship, a liturgy of thankfulness." Ann Voskamp, 1000 Gifts.

when i focus on myself.
i am robbing myself of joy.
by refocusing on why i do what i do.
focusing on Jesus.
is like a breath of fresh air.
rejuvenates me.
empty to fill.

and fill He does.
sweet reminders of His love for me.
He tenderly woos me back.
centered on Him.
it is all for Him.

picture me {im}perfectly

is a weekly project to reveal that we don't have it all together.

i will post a

picture me {im}perfectly

blog post every wednesday

where you will be able to link up to your blog

revealing that:

you are not picture perfect,

your kids are not picture perfect,

your house is not picture perfect,

your crafts are not always picture perfect,

let's

encourage,

inspire and

remind

other women

that none of us have it all together.

i just went to sweet, hill's blog and she featured me again this week. thanks, girl. i laughed out loud. cause my last picture me {im}perfectly was pretty rough;) but, we have to be real. right? :) i also can't wait to post pictures of my organization of mac's room.

676. swimming breast stroke with mac today. he beat me.
677. lawson doing a dive off the diving board. she is five. WHAT?
678. two days until i am with my fam in bama. yea haw.
679. a husband who greets me with a kiss and tells me i am beautiful.
680. a husband who extends grace to me when i don't hear the compliments he gives me.
681. Jesus.

whew.

2011-06-23T17:48:00.000-04:00

grace.

God's

Riches

Christ's

Expense.

i am so thankful that His mercies are new every

single

morning.

i had to be real with y'all.

a friend pointed out the post right before the last was so upbeat.

things are going well.

but, it does not mean that i don't have bad days.

yesterday was one of them.

today is a new day.

thank you, Lord.

669. wearing cowboy boots with shorts for vbs. it makes me feel young. and fun.

670. a husband who came home last night and said go. i have got them

671. dinner by myself at panera.

672. letters written.

673. target trip. wandering the aisles by myself. no cart.

674. eucharisteo.

675. "In Christ, there are bonds that are deeper than genes and blood." Dr. Derek W. H. Thomas.

If you have any prayer requests, feel free to email me at imperishableseeds@gmail.com

picture me {im}perfectly

2011-06-22T15:46:00.001-04:00

i'm a yeller.

i admit it.

and i hate it.

i try so hard to speak kindly when i get upset.

it is SO much better than it use to be.

this is gonna be short and to the point.

vbs this week.

running late today.

children being disrespectful.

constant talking back.

stirring up trouble

one unhappy momma.

I just put them in their room for one hour of "quiet time."

rules= stay in room.no fighting.

both come out of their rooms.

all i hear is constant banter and screaming

back and forth.

I walk in there calmly.

line them on the bed

spank them.

and then

i yelled at them.

no pictures today.

just one girl

in need of

Jesus.

"a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

Proverbs 15:1

please, Jesus help me know that my children and their behavior does not reflect who i am in You. please forgive me for being harsh with them. change my heart. make me new. help me as i go and talk to them. let the love i feel for them come out in words that give life.
in Your name i pray.

653.

2011-06-20T15:34:00.001-04:00

So, so many things to be thankful right now.

I almost can't contain myself.

Even though swim team is literally consuming most of time,

I am enjoying life.

Right.

Where.

Am.

And it feels good.

I feel His graces surrounding me.

Encouraging me.

Slowing me.

Focusing me.

Breathing life into me.

Thank you, Lord.

Thank you.

eucharisteo.

653. bear hugs. with people i love.

654. fresh cut gladiolas from a special friend.

655. letters. (old school. handwritten. not email.)

656. my children and their courage.

657. jumping on trampoline with friends and laughing until crying.

658. the game of things. (if you don't have this game, you should. especially if you like to laugh.)

659. a husband who is an amazing father.

660. braided pigtails.

661. lunch with old friend.

662. hearing a pastor's testimony. it was amazing. and moving.

663. the thing that struck me the most from his testimony was something someone said to him one day.

One day when he was really struggling. The man said,

"You have kingdom value. You have kingdom value."

664. after four years of dropping my kids off at vbs, i am finally participating in leading worship. and loving it. even though i can't even hit a note. and mess up frequently. blast. especially because the girl i am leading with is one of my besties.

665. impromptu playdates.

666. Jesus.

667. the restoring of things that were broken. and not being as scared of the broken.

668. trusting Him. knowing He is establishing the way for me.
"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps."

Proverbs 16:9

the winner is.....

2011-06-11T16:34:00.000-04:00

Janet-Lynn

seeds.

is the name of the

prayer blog.

Janet,

let me know if you want a painted cross or barrette's. I am sure the barrette's would look precious in little Finn's hair;)

Ok, y'all be patient with me while I get this up and running. I am so excited. Seriously. Pumped.

I would love to have suggestions and ideas.

Catchy phrases.

Let's start.

Yeah:)

"that momma."

2011-06-08T20:52:00.000-04:00

picture me {im}perfectly

is a weekly project to reveal that we don't have it all together.

from hill's blog:

i will post a

picture me {im}perfectly

blog post every wednesday

where you will be able to link up to your blog

revealing that:

you are not picture perfect,

your kids are not picture perfect,

your house is not picture perfect,

your crafts are not always picture perfect,

let's

encourage,

inspire and

remind

other women

that none of us have it all together.

Yeah Allison.

I just published my first picture me {im)perfectly yesterday.

And today is the actual day to participate:)

Yes.

Ok, so yesterday I take my kids to their first swim team practice.

Mac does fine. I have already threatened to take the Wii away for the whole summer if he complains about it anymore. So nada out of him.

But, La pulled out the hyperventilation number.

Lawson has been swimming by herself since one week before her third birthday.

Her coach said he had never seen a three year old with a butterfly kick like her.

I drop her off on the steps and find a seat.

I look over and she is bawling crying.

Tears.

Chest moving up and down.

Oh.no.what.is.the.problem?

She tells me she does not want to do swim team.

Heaving.

Inside I am thinking, "I just ordered you a $50 swim team swimsuit. Oh.yes.you.are."

But, I kept wavering in my parenting.

I couldn't decide what was the best way to handle the situation.

To make a long story short. I ended up getting in the pool. Told the swim coach to let her go.

She will swim. Trust me. Kinda thing.

I let her go and she acted like she was drowning.

I got her out of the pool.

She sat by me until Mac finished practice.

I was furious.

Livid.

I was "that momma."

You know what I am talking about.

I was so torn about what to do.

I was praying on the way home.

Lord, what do I do?

And all that kept coming to me was:

Love her.

Draw near.

Leighton came home for lunch.

We talked and then had a talk with her.

I even took her back to the pool yesterday afternoon.

She was swimming like a fish.

So, this morning she starts again.

"I'm scared. I don't want to do swim team."

I post something on Facebook and I got a lot of great advice.

One person recommended ice cream or something.

That was the ticket.

Fo.sure.

I told her if she didn't cry and she participated I would take her to Yumilicious.

My friend let me know she was doing fine.

I see her coach. She tells me she did awesome.

Yeah Lawson.

We went to Yumilicious.

We ate down to the asphalt.

It was so good.

But, getting there tore this momma up inside.

You know why.

Because I see so much of myself in La.

It is like looking at myself in the mirror.

I am pretty sure my mom would tell you that I would do just about anything to get my way.

And most of the time it worked.

Manipulation Queen.

Right here.

One thing I have learned is the Lord continues to love me.

Guide me.

Draw near.

Comfort me.

Accept me.

All because of Christ.

Not me.

And He is Perfect.

Picture Me.

2011-06-07T12:47:00.000-04:00

{im}perfectly

is a weekly project to reveal that we don't have it all together.

I heart this girl.

Hill.

First off, what a cool name?

I have wanted to do this picture me {im}perfectly for a long time.

She is an amazing wife and mother.

I love her honesty.

Her kiddos are presh. presh. presh.

Ok.

Here goes.

I am a mess.

Most of the time.

Sometimes it is organized messy.

Sometimes it is downright ugly.

Sometimes it is pretty.

But, here is the truth.

I have found beauty in the mess and {im}perfection of my daily life.

Here is a picture of my son eating his dinner in the car.

Winner. Winner. Chicken. Dinner.
Although it was not chicken. It was a grill cheese. Demonte Whole Green Beans and Strawberries.
And my son hates to have his picture taken. Can you tell? Oh, and is that applesauce? That must be why the ants are attacking my child's car seat today. Awesome.

Now. Brace yourself.

The worst part is my children have been gone since Monday. Today is Friday. (now it is Tuesday.)
I just took this picture.
I did accomplish a lot while they were gone. But, obviously not this tornado. Caused by yours truly.
I am not even going to make an excuse.
(I painted his drawers and put it in the dining room.)

That is awful. Ridiculous. embarrassing.

It gets worse. I feel I need to come clean. Be honest. Transparent.

This is a stack of our budget stuff.
Things are about to change at our house.
So, please pray for me?

I think it is so important for us women to be real about our imperfections. It draws us closer to the Lord.
Last but not least. The Giveaway will end Sunday evening at 10 pm. (Ok, now the giveaway will end this next Sunday because my week is not slammed packed.)I will announce a winner on Monday. So, friends keep the names coming for the Prayer Blog.

As you can tell I started to write this post and then did not complete it until today.
But, I am so thankful because last night I read one of the best blog posts I have ever read about being perfect.
I am "a perfect mess."
Thank you, Lord for loving me in my mess.

648. a fun weekend with my sister and her family.
649. slip and slide fun.
650. fresh cut hydrandea's
651. gardenias
652. thankful that LOVE cover's over a multitude of sin.

1 Peter 4:8

English Standard Version (ESV)

"Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins."

seeds.

2011-05-31T09:22:00.001-04:00

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

A Time for Everything

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal;a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh;a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose;a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew;a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate;a time for war, and a time for peace.

Almost twenty years ago, I memorized Ecclesiastes 3 for my senior declamation at The Webb School. I stood before my classmates and recited the whole chapter of Ecclesiastes 3. Little did I know twenty years later this would be the verses I would come to this morning.

As I was running this morning and listening to my tunes, praying, casting my burdens on the Lord, it struck me: I am in a time of plenty.

How did I get here to this place of plenty? Why does it look like this right now? Will it be taken from me tomorrow? How will I survive? It is still kind of messy in the plenty. Is that ok? What am I going to do with the seeds?

"This is my prayer in the harvestWhen favor and providence flowI know I'm filled to be emptied againThe seed I've received I will sow"Hillsong United.

How will I react to the emptying? I can't be scared of being emptied. I just can't. This is where His seeds are planted. In the emptying. And I have been empty. He has been faithful to plant them carefully with His skillful Hand. These seeds have taken root. It takes watering these seeds to grow. Sometimes they don't get watered. I know what that looks like too. But, He still takes the dry and moistens the soil and I continue to grow. There are weeds of course. And they are ugly. But all the while, He continues to hold me in the Palm of His Hand. Plucking the weeds and planting more seeds. And filling me. He brings the rain. He brings the sunshine. He brings the fertilizer. He brings the lawn mower. He brings the weed eater. He brings the shears. He also brings fences. Actually, He is building a fortress around my heart. Sewing up the holes that have been there a long, long time. So, here I am. How can I takes these seeds that He has given me and sow them? Two things strike me: Prayer and Praise. I feel led to start a prayer blog. A place where I can go to pray for people. A place where I can go to put my specific prayers. A place where I can put my praises. A place where others can put their prayer requests. A place where others can put their praises. A place of refuge. A place where you can be anonymous. A place where you have a name. It doesn't matter. What do you think, my peeps? How about a name? Not so good with the name thingy. So, please help me out with suggestions. I am excited. Pumped. How about a giveaway? The winner will get to choose. A cross painting, done by yours truly or little rosette barrettes (or headband. or key chain.) I will posts pics soon. You won't be disappointed. Well, maybe you will;) So, please pass along. Facebook. Email. Twitter. Blog. Whatevah floats your boat:) This will be a place where we can take our burdens and lay them at the foot of the Cross. Over and Out. Love y'all.

636

2011-05-16T22:10:00.000-04:00

636. summer is almost here.

637. only 2 1/2 days until i see this bestie.

638. tomorrow my baby is going to be 5. how in the world did this happen?

639. her dance recital is tomorrow night. i love to see her all dressed up and so excited to dance.

640. sweet text from my hubby.

641. a good long run this morning.

642. nose kisses.

643. clean sheets.

644. fresh paint smell.

645. a new back door.

646. even though it is crazy busy, i am finding joy. thank you, Jesus. thank you.

647. Christ. because He is everything I need.

629.

2011-05-11T22:03:00.000-04:00

629. precious girls picking strawberries.

630. Lawson falling asleep with my picture. Something I will treasure always. Always.

631. Someone leaving a sweet chalk message on my driveway.

632. our pomegranate tree blooming.

634. a precious Mother's Day Tea at Lawson's school.

635. making crafts this afternoon with my precious friend, Shelley:)

620.

2011-05-09T22:02:00.000-04:00

620. The lady without a name. She does have a name.

621. A friend of mine (who I didn't even know reads my blog) told me she knew the lady I met in the Kroger parking lot.

622. This is not a coincidence. This is God. And He is that Big.

623. finishing this book.

624. Lawson.

625. the sweetest Mother's Day.

626. running a 10k in 1 hour. at age 37.

627. did I just say 37?

628. happy for my friends who are graduating from graduate school. actually accepted that wasn't the road the Lord had for me. He taught me a lot during that one semester. One being sometimes the answer is yes and sometimes it is no. But, thank you for following Me. I will follow You, Lord. In the yes and the no.

The lady without a name.

2011-05-04T09:56:00.000-04:00

I was talking to a close friend on the phone the other day. I pulled into Kroger with my coupons and list ready to go. BTW, I dislike couponing. I get out of the car. I see a lady parked right next to me. I walk to the door of the grocery, get off the phone with my friend and realize I have not locked my doors.

I walk back to the car and see this lady is bawling as she loads her groceries. I can't just walk back by her and not say anything. I can't just walk away.

So, I walk up to her. Put my hand on her arm and ask her if she is ok. Obviously she wasn't. But, I asked if there was anything I could do for her.

She started to tell me she had just found out that her 37 year old son in law's cancer had just spread to his adrenal glands. His cancer was all over now. Then she told me they have a 2 year old son. Then she proceeded to tell me her husband had died of cancer just last year.

I continued to listen. I rubbed her arm. I literally stood there and physically felt my own heart breaking.

I am 37. I have a husband who I love dearly. Two children that I adore. I love all three more than the air I breath.

As I am listening, I am thinking, "Oh, Lord, what do I say?" All I can say is that I am so sorry. I am so sorry.

Then my mouth opens and says, "I will pray for you. For them. The Lord is Good."

She immediately wiped her tears and said, "I don't believe that. No."

Oh, sweet Jesus, why did I say that? Why? That is the worst possible thing I could say.

I then proceeded to ask her what her son in laws name. What is your daughters name? What is your grandson's name?

Everything became weird.

But, I did know their names.

I told her again that I would be praying for them. She thanked me for my humanness. And I walked away.

As I approached the door to enter the grocery store, I started to weep. To the point I just turned right around and walked back to my car. Got in. And drove down to the end of the parking lot. Put the car in park. And broke down.

The reality hit me that there are so many people who don't know Jesus.

I am not one to stand at the entrance of the Augusta National reading aloud from the Bible. But, I love Jesus.
I have doubted the goodness of the Lord. I have questioned Him. I have had my fists in the air. Asking why. What good is this going to do? Why are You doing this to me? Haven't You done enough already. Can You please quit inflicting pain on me? Please. Lord. Where are You?

And I have discovered that He is right here. Right now. Right beside me. Walking with me. Drawing near to me. Catching my tears in bottles. Breathing for me when I felt like I could not. Tenderly loving me. Comforting me. Encouraging me. Lifting my chin(Psalm 3). My Shield. My Salvation. Joy. Strength. Determination. Grace. Forgiveness. Love.

Love. He holds all things together. He knows my heart. He knows everything. And He loves me enough to let His Only Son die for me, so that I can live. Jesus.

Lord, please heal Will from this deadly disease called cancer. Please be with his wife Ann Elizabeth and his son Finn. Please Lord, draw this woman who I do not know to Yourself. Tenderly love her through this suffering. Wrap Your arms around them and help them breath. And let Your breath give them Life.

In Jesus' name I pray. Amen

609.

2011-05-02T16:16:00.001-04:00

609. a new trampoline.

610. sweaty, stinky children.

611. grateful that my family is safe after the devastating tornadoes in Alabama.

612. thank you for the woman in the Kroger parking lot. Please Lord, draw her to Yourself.

613. for Mac's conscience.

614. for Lawson giving up her thumb. i. am. so. proud. of. her.

615. that even in the hard stuff, You are teaching me to let go and give them to You.

616. for an answered prayer.

617. magnolia's that are about to bloom.

618. Grace. Grace. Grace.

619. these photos done by Brooke Turner. she is awesome.

God, You are so good. Thank you for all of the blessings You have given me. Thank you for all the hard stuff too. The hard things of life have drawn me closer to You. The good things have been made sweeter because of You. Thank You.

Just. Because.

2011-04-28T08:46:00.000-04:00

No words today.

Just.

Pictures.

592

2011-04-25T21:20:00.000-04:00

592. A sweet and precious Easter! Celebrating our Risen Lord:)

593. hilarious comments from Lawson.

594. picking strawberries. no kiddos. with this awesome friend.

595. painting in a field (until it started to rain.)

596. stepping out of my comfort zone.

597. Lawson stopped sucking her thumb.

598. strawberry shortcake.

599. big fluffy clouds.

600. bright blue skies.

601. Eating mexican with 2 precious college girls. i.feel.old.

602. surprise phone call from my brother.

603. praying specifically for people.

604. seeing and hearing about the Lord moving in mighty ways.

605. He never ceases to amaze me.

606. phone call with Lo. miss the mess out of her. but smiling when i think of her.

607. my husband.

608. these wise words from my hubby when i was feeling insecure:

"There has only been One person who knew exactly who He was."

Alive.

2011-04-20T12:19:00.000-04:00

I have struggled with how to put into words what happened to me two weeks ago.

But, I took a chance and I followed God.

I felt Him telling me to go.

So I went.

Trusting.

Believing in His Promises.

No one knew except my sister, Amelia.

I went to my real father's farm in Tennessee.

The last time I was there, I went to take him to rehab.

I was desperate for him to be well.

But, he was sick.

And I wanted to save him.

He had a loaded gun.

He wanted to kill himself.

I have not been back since.

But, I have been visiting that place in my heart where the fear has gripped me for the past four and a half years.

I miss my dad.

I miss him terribly.

I have always missed him.

Always.

Especially when he was suppose to be there.

Whether it was to pick me up when I was four.

school play.

graduation.

my wedding.

So many special days he just didn't show up.

A longing in my soul for him to just love me.

To hold me.

To want to be with me.

Love.

Security.

Safety.

And the only place I have found all the things I have searched for my whole life,

is in the arms of Christ.

So, I drove to the farm.

The roads that I have loved for 20 years.

It was the most beautiful day.

I drove with the windows down.

Hair blowing in the wind.

Soaking up all of God's beauty.

Praising Him.

I drove down my dad's long driveway.

I took pictures.

My heart was beating out of my chest.

I pulled into the driveway.

And I reversed slowly.

Knowing that I would not see him, although I know he was there.

I drove off in peace though.

The Peace that can only come from The One I love.

I kept driving the roads.

Breathing and taking it all in.

I went to a hill I have always wanted to climb.

For 20 years I have dreamed about climbing this land.

I pulled in and stared up to where I have longed to run.

I parked the car.

Got my book, One Thousand Gifts, and stepped out.

Stepped out in faith that this is where He was leading me.

Confident in Him.

But, still not so sure.

A dog starts to bark.

I attempt to go back to the car.

But, I keep going.

Confident.

Sure of His love for me.

Because it is all around me.

Breathtaking.

I get to the top.

I turn around.

Look at the hill I have just climbed.

I take pictures.

Breathing in the wind that is coming from Him.

I open Ann's book.

It opens to page 178.

I read it.

Tears start to flow.

Beautiful tears.

Of joy.

These are the words I read. And read aloud on this hill.

"All light seen is light from the past and light now old from the sun streams through the window, glints off the glass shards. Broken glass ignites in light and there it is, the secret of joy's flame: Humbly let go. Let go of trying to do, let go of trying to control...let go of my own way, let go of my fears. Let God blow His wind, His trials, oxygen for joy's fire. Leave the hand open and be. Be at peace. Bend the knee and be small and let God give what God chooses to give because He only gives love and whisper surprised thanks. This is the fuel for joy's flame. Fullness of joy is discovered only in the emptying of will. And I can empty. I can empty because counting His graces has awakened me to how He cherishes me, holds me, passionately values me. I can empty because I am full of His love. I can trust.

I can let go.

I hadn't know that joy meant dying.

What did I think hard eucharisteo and the table of the Last Supper meant?

But, dying to self demands that I might gratefully and humbly receive the better, the only things that a good God gives. To be nothing in the flesh and Christ might be everything in the soul, to follow after Jesus who "humbled himself and became obedient to death..." (Philippians 2:8 NIV), to follow Christ to the table of eucharisteo, the table of surrender that gives thanks for what is given - this is joy! True humility is self-smallness to the point of "blessed self-forgetfulness" and what could bring more happiness than emptying of self-will and being wholly immersed in the will of God for this moment? Joy - it's always obedience.

I know it deeper now: This eucharisteo is no game of Pollyanna but the hard edge of blade.

Only self can kill joy."

Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts p. 178-179.

He is Good.

He died.

But, He is Risen.

He is Alive.

As we approach this Easter, I am taken aback to the glory of His resurrection.

His power.

His love.

His mercy.

His grace.

Humbled like never before.

"The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot.

The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;

indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

I bless the Lord who gives me counsel;

in the night also my heart instructs me.

I have set the Lord always before me;

because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;

my flesh also dwells secure.

For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption.

You make known to me the path of life;

in your presence there is fullness of joy;

at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

Psalm 16:6-11 (ESV)

I love you, Daddy. I miss the mess out of you. I love you.

Missing you and loving you has been a gift from the Gift Giver. No matter how painful the ache I feel for you. He uses things in life to give us the better. And that better is Him. Only Him.

578.

2011-04-18T23:26:00.001-04:00

578. Studying this with my girls this morning.

579. praising God for the new birth of a sweet baby girl by my dear friend, Shawna. (In the car I might add.)

I love you, Shawna!

580. the new flowers about to bloom on our pomegranate tree. so pumped.

581. beautiful 70 degree weather.

582. my husband finally disclosing to me that it bothered him that I never threw my Splenda packets away.

583. laughing out loud together when I told him that I have just always known he would throw it away for me. pathetic. it has taken us 11 years to talk about this. I love you, baby. seriously. i am blessed.

584. i am thankful for an update from my baby sister, Susan. have fun in Austria and Italy.......soak up this time with each other. i am praying for y'all. love. you.

585. praying today with ladies from our church for the military.

586. for all of the men and women who serve in the military and their families.

587. God's faithfulness. It. Never. Fails.

588. praising and thanking the Lord feels so much better than fear and worry.
589. painting a peacock tonight at Tag It Art. so fun:)
590. the encouraging words my hubby said to me before I left tonight.
591. playing dodge ball with the kids today with a nerf football.

570.

2011-04-12T14:11:00.000-04:00

570. running in the rain this morning.

571. seeing an owl fly over our heads. wow.

572. seeing the sun through the clouds. even if it was only for a little while.

573. two little girls playing and giggling.

574. that my mistakes don't define me. they have and are refining me. for His Glory.

575. He is the lifter of my head. and the Shield about me. (Psalm 3)

576. joy and pain. sunshine and rain. (you know the song i am talking about;))

577. He is good. He is good. He is good.

The last three pictures is something I can't wait to tell you about.

God is good.

So, so good.

561.

2011-04-11T21:21:00.001-04:00

561. climbing a hill that I have wanted to climb for 20 years.

562. driving mountain roads by myself with the windows down and music blaring.

563. the way the kids screamed when they saw Leighton for the first time in 6 days.

564. the excitement that i felt to see Leighton:)

565. driving my kids around on my dad's gator in my cowboy boots and exercise shorts. and not caring what i look like.

566. the way Lawson looks with her new headbands on. Fame. style.

567. getting to go to the Master's on Sunday with my hubby and brother in law. just like we use to do way back in the day.

568. hushpuppies. need I say more?

569. still loving my husband even though he has been snoring like a dragon lately. i know i am far harder to live with everyday;)

Sweet taste

2011-04-06T17:49:00.001-04:00

I have been thinking a lot about Jesus lately. I know it is Lent and Easter is fast approaching. This year has been different for me for several reasons. I have never given anything up for Lent. I have always been kind of a rebel. Well, I have been a rebel all my life. My mom can attest to that. I feel sure I came out of the womb with my fists raised up ready to fight. So, giving something up is hard for me. I know I am not alone in this, I am sure;)

I love sweets. I mean really love sweets. So, this year after researching Lent, I decided to give up sweets. I have to admit reading that I could take Sunday off helped with my motivation. At first, it was pretty hard. I read this from Ann's blog and it really encouraged me to continue. Every time I got a craving, which was pretty often, I thought of Jesus. And what He did for me. To think of His suffering and thank Him. Turn away from the sweets.

The first Sunday, I anticipated what the vanilla ice cream with peanut butter was going to taste like that night. My mouth watered. Literally. It was the best bowl of ice cream I have ever tasted. And as it went down I was forced to reflect on the sweetness of the Lord. How He had mercy on me, laid down His life, so I could live. Because of Him, I live. But, I have to die to myself everyday. And there is a sweetness about dying because He tastes so good.

I see a little more clearly this path He has taken me on. He wants me to walk with Him. To practice walking with Him. To desire to walk with Him. To fall at His feet when I fall. To love Him more than the air I breathe. To die to myself. Is to live. Walk. Faith. Walk. Faith. Through the desert. I will praise You. Through the fire. I will praise You. Through the battle. I will praise You. And in the harvest. I will praise You.

Walk.

Brooke posted a You Tube video about this song. It touched me to my soul. Although I have never lost a child, I know what it feels like to long for a child. I had to download the song for my road trip and I have played it over and over again.

The Desert Song by Hillsong

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame

I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am conqueror and co- heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

All of my life in every season
You are still God,
I have a reason to sing,
I have a reason to worship

I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I received I will sow

I have been in the desert many times. But, He always provides.

I have been in the fire many times. He refines me each time through the flame.

I have been in the battle many times. His faithfulness never fails me. His rock is firm.

I have been in the harvest many times. But, most of the time, in the harvest I am looking for the desert, fire and battle over my shoulder.

Which robs me of being filled with Him.

So, this last verse has struck me deeply. When I am in the harvest, and everything is flowing well. Don't look over my shoulder waiting for the worst to happen. Walk with Him. Right here. Right now. His seed is good. It is taking root. So, Lord please let me soak up this time with praise and thanksgiving, knowing that when I am emptied is when You do your best Work.

Giving up sweets has given me such a sweeter taste of You, Lord.

"I sought the LORD, and he answered me
   and delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant,
   and their faces shall never be ashamed.
This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him
   and saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the LORD encamps
   around those who fear him, and delivers them.
Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good!
    Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
Oh, fear the LORD, you his saints,
   for those who fear him have no lack!
The young lions suffer want and hunger;
   but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing."

Psalm 34:4-10

548

2011-04-05T14:45:00.001-04:00

548. road trip and the beautiful weather.

549. listening to two amazing sermons on the road that can be found here and here.

550. cousins getting to spend quality time together.

551. jumping on the trampoline at 7 am.

552. running in this neighborhood.

553. the wild clovers growing on the side of the highway.

554. the red bird that flew right over me while I was running. it took my breath away. again.

555. watching and listening to my friend Jessica talk about how she felt like the Holy Spirit was breathing for her after the accident with her husband Brian.

556. a new friend. who is awesome. and i can't wait to get to know her better:)

557. i actually won a photo session with the above mentioned new friend! her work is amazing and i can't wait for us to have our first family photo session:)

558. i am flat out blessed. thank you, Lord. thank you.

559. oh, and that i at 37, can still do a back flip on the trampoline and land on my feet. i am still sore;)

560. how His grace, love, forgiveness and mercy are changing my heart.

529

2011-03-28T11:20:00.002-04:00

529. that the flu did not last too long at our house.

530. rain that is greening up the grass and all the trees.

531. how a shower makes you feel when you have been cooped up for days.

532. little smiles from the little ones when they are sick.

533. anticipation of seeing family this weekend.

534. a husband who is loving me so tenderly lately.

535. i love having a laundry room. at the other end of the house.

536. "self-striving nurtures self-hatred. toiling in the flesh produces foiling in the soul." ann voskamp

537. "expectations are premeditated resentments." unknown. but. a. good. one. to. chew.on.

538. "grace, grace, God's grace, grace that will pardon and cleanse within; grace, grace, God's grace, grace that is greater than all our sin." Julia H. Johnston's hymn, "Marvelous Grace of Our Loving Lord."

539. vanilla ice cream with peanut butter all swirled up in it:)

540. a husband who brought me coffee in bed this morning.

541. wisteria climbing the trees.

542. i am thankful for my cowgirl boots:)

543. doritos. any flavor but prefer cool ranch. cause' that is the way i like to ride....coolio;)

544. dogwoods. especially this one that we saw 2 years ago.

545. remembering how she looked when she was 3.

546. laughing out loud as i remembered that this was the spring break where mac broke his arm when he got bucked off of a miniature donkey.

547. and last year spring break where he gladly announced he is the "donkey whisperer.":)

P.S. I have been trying to post photos with the miniature donkey and i can't get it to go through. so, you just have to believe me:)

P.S.S. these words about fear.

Truth

2011-03-26T14:08:00.000-04:00

"By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything. Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God; and whatever we ask we receive from him, because we keep his commandments and do what pleases him. And this is his commandment, that we believe in the name of his Son Jesus Christ and love one another, just as he has commanded us. Whoever keeps his commandments abides in God,and God in him. And by this we know that he abides in us, by the Spirit whom he has given us."

1 John 3:19-24

Does anyone else have that little voice in the back of your head that whispers condemnation?

Does anyone else only hear the bad stuff?

Leighton and I watched Pretty Woman last night.

I mean I use to LOVE this movie.

What I loved about it was how she made mistakes.

But, something in her changed.

Remember the scene when he asked her how she ended up on Hollywood Blvd?

Vivian: "People put you down enough, you start to believe it."

Edward: "I think you are a very bright, very special woman."

Vivian: "The bad stuff is easier to believe. You ever notice that?"

Well, I didn't end up on Hollywood Blvd.

But, I do know what it is like to believe the bad stuff about myself.

All I ever wanted growing up was for my real dad to love me.

I could not do anything to get him to love me.

Sometimes he wouldn't even show up to get me.

When I was four years old.

Four.

So, I have spent the majority of my life

self-protecting.

Trying to achieve or gain people's love

by works.

Condemning myself when I could not do something.

Which led to perfectionism.

OCD.

I remember Leighton asking me,

"Did you just hear me?"

Me,

"No."

Leighton, "I just told you that I think you look beautiful."

We have now gotten to the point where he will actually grab my face in his hands

and pay me a compliment.

So I will hear him.

This has taken years.

And most of the time I still don't hear.

Because the bad stuff is easier to believe.

But, I am tired of believing the lies.

I am tired of satan whispering condemnations in my ear that drown out all that is good.

And God is Good.

That I believe.

If I can't be the best Christian,

I will read this book.

That book.

Counseling.

Weight Watchers.

Running.

Kettlebells.

Whatever to help me be the best at whatever it might be.

Or I just don't do it because I think I can't.

Or I try one time and can't so I quit.

Life story here.

The condemnations drown out

His Grace.

His Love.

His Mercy.

His Forgiveness.

His Son.

And this is exactly what satan wants.

Exactly what he wants.

So I (we) won't believe the Truth.

But, as the verse states above.

God is greater than my heart and He knows everything.

Everything.

He created me to be just who I am.

And that is enough.

I am so tired living this way.

I don't want to condemn myself anymore.

I want Him to know I have confidence in Him.

I want Him to know I believe Him at His Word.

Not that I am going to think I am all "that",

But, I am who He made me to be.

I have been remade.

I am New.

"Forgiven.

Beloved.

Hidden in Christ.

Made in the image of the Giver of Life.

Righteous and Holy.

Reborn and Remade.

Accepted and worthy this is our new name
This is who we are now..."

Jason Gray

Dear Lord,

Thank you for being so patient with me. Thank you for the tender way You love me. Forgive me for putting myself down all the time. Forgive me for not hearing the Truth. Please change my perspective that has been ingrained in my head . Your Word lens perspective. Through Your Eyes. Let me see others through Your eyes. Change my heart, Lord. Make it Yours.

In Jesus Name, Amen.

^"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1

Giveaway

2011-03-23T10:17:00.003-04:00

Giveaway!

Hop on over to......

(It is possibly one of the cutest websites I have ever seen. And so is Ashley the sweet friend who started this venture!)

To get a free photo session with Brooke Turner:)

491

2011-03-21T14:18:00.000-04:00

Ok, normally when I do my gratitude list I just go off the top of my head.

Things that just really stuck out.

And.

Usually it is things that have happened over the past 24 hours.

Since that is about as far back as I can remember.

So.

Today I am going to my real journals.

I have two.

One black that I keep at the house and it has 383.

One red that I keep in the car and it has 227.

And this one on the blog has 490.

1100.

Documented graces. gratitudes.

This eucharisteo has changed my life.

Changing my eyes.

my heart.

my soul.

my attitude.

Eucharisteo precedes the miracle.

He is the Miracle.

And for Him I am eternally grateful.

Humbled to my knees.

Here goes.....

491. hearing my children laugh.

492. sweet neighbor who called to tell us she missed us.

493. Jeremiah 30:17.

494. Jasper curled up next to my Jesus Calling book and snoring.

495. little girls who love tutus.

496. Lawson skipping on the way in to church.

497. it is safe to trust, because of Christ.

498. yummy food at Lo's house.

499. fun fellowship with the ladies:)

500. Mac making his first (and only) basketball goal.

501. I want to remember that smile forever.

502. picking Mac up at 5 pm and he tell me that he missed me.

503. thankful that Jesus is relentlessly pursuing and wooing me.

504. thankful for two healthy children.

505. thankful for the picture of Mac on my dresser.

506. watching my children sleep and kissing them on the cheek.

507. that Jesus is the anchor of my soul.

508. sweet time with my parents.

509. God's wrath was satisfied in Christ's blood.

510. thankful for writing the anger letter to Joe (not mailing.)

511. Mac, "Dad, why don't you run for President?"

512. reading fairy tales with La on a pink sleeping bag outside.

513. seeing a grown man weep as he described the african believers that he saw. He said they had nothing, but radiated joy.

514. Dogwoods blooming.

515. kickboxing with Lo yesterday.

516. laughing.

517. a little girl who mouthed "I love you."

518. A Joy that seeketh me in pain.

519. A Love that will not let me go.

520. sweet lunch with friends.

521. the most beautiful cemetery I have ever seen.

522. a sweet card from my sister Susan.

523. that Susan is on her way home from Germany RIGHT now:)

524. the sweetest blog post about me from one of my bff's.

525. Lawson, "Mom, I love you more than how fast the flowers grow."

Me, "Lawson, do you love me more than your thumb?"

Lawson, "Um, no."

I heart her.

526. "Jesus died for failures and nobody else." Dr. Sinclair Ferguson

527. thankful that Jesus prays for failures.

528. hanging out with Maia and her family:)

Whew. That. Was. Long.

But, oh how He has blessed me beyond what I deserve.

Thank you, Lord.

Thank you.

471.

2011-03-14T21:44:00.000-04:00

471. the Hope of Heaven.

472. the way the Lord works through loss of people you love.

473. the parable of the prodigal son.

474. this book.

475. this book.

476. a pink sleeping bag, good books, bright sunshine and cool breezes.

477. continuing my gratitude list.

478. a friend that has taught me how to let loose and have fun.

479. five mommas and one girl against 6 boys.

480. we dominated.

481. i totally did not feel 37.

482. i played with no shoes and in a skirt. (oh, yes i did.)

483. thankful that my friends love me even though i have no dancing skills.

484. windows down and music playing.

485. that fear and gratitude cannot exist at the same time.

486. His blood commands my guilt to leave.

487. the way Lawson gets down from her bed to say her prayers on her knees.

488. how she asked me tonight where her aunt susu and uncle davis live in the middle of her prayer.

489. how i have no idea what she prayed for. and that makes my heart smile because it is between her and Jesus. i love that.

490. this verse.

457

2011-03-07T07:41:00.001-05:00

457. a sweet visit from my parents.

458. a fun night away with friends.

459. cutting camellia's and waking up to their blooms.

460. snuggles with my girl this morning.

461. planting pansies.

462. planting flower seeds with my mom and La.

463. really tight hugs with my mom.

464. this movie.

465. a hubby that doesn't mind cooking.

466. new growth on the trees.

467. sweet emails from friends.

468. a 6.1 mile run.

469. this post.

470. an "I love you" in sign language from my boy as he got out of the car to go to school.

431

2011-03-01T07:24:00.000-05:00

431. lunch with bff from Decatur and seeing her precious daughter.

432. sharing hurts that cut deeply, but knowing the Blood that holds us together.

433. my baby boy's 8th birthday is today.

434. how God has used him in such a mighty way to touch and heal broken places in my heart.

435. sister's in Christ.

436. my sisters.

437. communion with the Lord last night.

438. to see the Body of Christ come together after such a great tragedy last week.

439. open and honest talks with Leighton about death.

440. eating lunch outside in the shade.

441. giggles from playing hide and seek.

442. my washing machine being fixed.

443. skyping with my sis.

444. telling my dad how proud I am of him.

445. telling my mom how proud I am of her.

446. telling my sister how proud I am of her.

447. watching the leaves blow across the street and some not even moving.

448. that I am not the only one who suffers from anxiety.

449. that God is not the author of confusion.

450. that God is good. all the time. even in the hard stuff.

451. "This world doesn’t need Oprah gratitude; it needs Jesus gratitude. The kind that gives thanks for the bread and the nails, for the fire that refines and the blood that saves." Ann Voskamp

452. a fun spend the night party for Mac.

453. sweet notes left in the mailbox.

454. being blessed with so many thoughtful friends.

455.this devotion I read this morning.
456. Psalm 16:5-11

Fab Friday.

2011-02-25T13:51:00.000-05:00

There is a girl that does Fab Friday.

I like seeing what others like.

So, here we go....

1. Mrs. Meyer's Basil Soap.

LOVE.

2. MAC tinted Lipglass.
the bomb.

3. Dry Erase Board Calendar.
I.don't.know.what.I.would.do.without.this.item.

4. Almay Oil Free Eye Makeup Remover

amazing.

bottom line.

5. Kettlebells.

This is where I go to get that booty tight:)

LO introduced me and I am in love.

She is moving:( Let me know if you want to join me!

a few of my favs....

2011-02-22T07:55:00.000-05:00

421

2011-02-21T21:47:00.000-05:00

421. looking forward to seeing the sunrise when I take Mac to school.

422. pulling Mac's tooth.

423. almost having an 8 year old.

424. remembering when he was a baby.

425. memories.

426. kettlebells. If you are looking for new workout, come try it out. my workout partner is about to move:(

427. sweet words from my kids.

428. clean plate club.

429. this blog post today.

430. That I have everything I need and more. Because of Him.

# 4 memory verse

2011-02-20T14:06:00.000-05:00

^"The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance."

Psalm 16:5-6

How He loves me.

2011-02-17T21:05:00.000-05:00

My washer and dryer have been broken for almost 2 weeks.

He has provided the most amazing friends who let me do my laundry at their house.

Or they do it for me.

Or my sweet hubby takes the kids to the laundry mat while I am at the beach.

Thank you.

From the bottom of my heart.

My dad started radiation. He seems to be tolerating it pretty well.

He called me on Valentine's Day.

That made my day.

Not to mention the precious Valentine's I had at home:)

Mac told me tonight that I was beautiful.

Precious. Sweet. Boy.

I love you.

Lawson told me she loved me more than the sky.

Then today when I picked her up from school,

they were in line for the fire drill and she

mouthed the words I love you.

And her teacher saw her do it.

priceless.

A husband who loves me, even when I mess up continuously.

Who is my rock. My shelter in times of anxiousness.

Who points me to the Lord. Mainly because I see Him in him.

My momma. She is one strong, tough and beautiful woman.

Who loves the Lord.

Who raised four girls.

Who really helped shape me into the woman I am today.

Although she will tell you that she thought at one point I might not turn out so great.

Hince, boarding school. (I will have to do a separate post on this one.)

I just am in awe by how the Lord is so tenderly loving me right now.

I pray that I will be able to show His love to others' just as they have done for me.

I am truly humbled by all of my many blessings.

Straight from the Lord.

Thank you.

Thank You for how You love me.

Just sayin' I miss her curls.

2011-02-17T20:53:00.000-05:00

415

2011-02-15T12:33:00.000-05:00

415. thankful I don't have to come up with creative titles for my blog posts.

416. thankful for the boxing bag that I completely beat the crap out of this morning.

417. a beautiful orange sunrise.

418. skype with my adorable sister in Germany.

419. Psalm 16:5-11.

420. leftover cold pizza

402

2011-02-14T21:46:00.001-05:00

402. a precious weekend away at the beach with girlfriends.

403. laughter until you can't breathe.

404. no responsibilities for 48 hours except to eat, play, chillax and sleep.

405. making new friends.

406. sweet Valentine's from the kids.

407. Lawson's excitement to wear her Target heart dress this morning.

408. riding with with window down.

409. hair blowing in the wind.

410. this song.

411. pizza for Valentine's dinner.

412. Leighton. My rock. My love. Me heart. I see Jesus in you, baby. Thank you.

413. thankful for a brave sister, Anna.

414. that the Lord has given me way more than I deserve. or ever dreamed of having.

Psalm 23

2011-02-03T22:09:00.000-05:00

Memory verse(s) for the next two weeks:

Psalm 23

The LORD Is My Shepherd

A Psalm of David.

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
   I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
   your rod and your staff,
   they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
   in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
   my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
   all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD
    forever.

Today

2011-02-01T13:06:00.000-05:00

401. The Son saw me through the clouds.

Quote from Ann Voskamp's new book:

"But her on a plane over black waters, I hear it well: the only thing to rip out the tape echoing of self-rejection is the song of His serenade. One thousand gifts tuned me to the beat. It really is like C. S. Lewis argued in The Weight of Glory: that the most fundamental thing is not how we think of God but rather what God thinks of us: 'How God thinks of us is not only more important, but infinitely more important.' Years of Christian discipleship, Bible study, churchgoing had been about me thinking about God; practicing eucharisteo was the very first time I had really considered at length what God thought of me - this ridiculous and relentlessly pursuing love, so bold. Everywhere, everything, Love!"

387

2011-01-31T12:53:00.002-05:00

387. seeing the excitement when Mac made his first goal in a basketball game.

388. the way he looked at me and said, "You have got to call dad!"

389. sweet sister time.

390. baby gear hunting (not for me but sis.)

391. finishing this book. that is rocking my world.

392. good hard cry. it. was. hard. but. good.

393. because God is good.
394. Margaret H. (thank you for your sweet message)
395. nose kisses
396. snuggles with my Jasper
397. Fancy Nancy knee socks and twirly skirts.
398. my sister who is in Honduras with her husband on a mission trip.
399. this post i just read.
400. Leighton, my man.

Seeing

2011-01-26T11:27:00.001-05:00

377. Today I saw the Son through the clouds.

378. A beautiful and sweet run with LO.

379. 2 cardinals on our run.

380. a beautiful crane standing in the water.

381. spanish moss blowing in the wind on a cloudy day.

382. we bless others not because of who we are but because of Who He is.
383. Beth F.
384. Kristen G.
385. Kristen M.
386. Jennifer S.

bff

2011-01-24T13:30:00.001-05:00

best.friends.forever.

I have the best friends.

I mean seriously.

BLESSED.

WERD.

So, continuing with my gratitude.

Not in any particular order.

Just trying to name all of my peeps that I am thankful for:

342. Lile.....AKA Lile, Lile the crocodile.

343. Amelia.meme.

344. Susan.susu.

345. Anna. (first four are my mom and sisters.)anner.

346. Donna.

347. Jill.

348. Jeannie.

349. Mary Beth.

350. Lorien.

351. Laura.

352. Mason.

353. Debbie.

354. Katherine.

355. Gwen.

356. Margie.
357. Maia
358. Shawna.
359. Patty.
360. Janet.
361. Bobbie (the best therapist in the world;)

continuing with my one thousand list

362. the red and pink hues of this morning's sunrise and sharing it with Mac.
363. three little boys running to school.
364. geese flying over my head as I got out the car.
365. hearing the cardinals, but not seeing them.
366. La twirling around.
367. a good nights sleep.
368. waking up refreshed.
369. hope that doesn't disappoint.
370. a fun night with friends.
371. fellowship.
372. sweet communion with the Lord yesterday in my big comfy chair.
373. seeing how La loves her daddy.
374. a clean house.
375. fresh, clean clothes just out of the dryer.
376. Ann Voskamp's new book that is rocking and changing me.

Whispers

2011-01-21T08:29:00.001-05:00

A dear friend has inspired me to intentionally pray.

This morning during my run.

I intentionally prayed for others.

This is what He whispered to me:

"Trust Me, Allison. I am God. Then, you can trust yourself when you are listening to Me and My Spirit. It will be easier for you to believe who I created you to be. Believe who I say who you are. Believe Me. You are a forgiven, redeemed, beloved child of Mine."

I trust You, God. I trust You.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10

"I sought the Lord, and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to Him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed." Psalm 34:4-5

Thank you dear Lord for Your whispers..........

What would it look like

2011-01-20T11:15:00.000-05:00

if I believed who God says I am?

What would I look like through His eyes, instead of my own?

When I look at myself I see:

Someone who can't get it together at all.

Why did I walk out of the house without any makeup on?

Judgemental of myself and others.

Hypocrite.

Self Righteous.

Loser.

Curvalicious.....aka Baby Got Back.

Not a good mom.

I spend too much time on myself.

I don't spend enough time with kids.

I leave them at school all day.

Only to get upset with them when they get home.

Cranky.

Emotional.

Worn out.

Bruised.

Tied in a knot. Upside down.

Hanging by my toes, barely hanging on.

Pressured to perfection.

Needing affirmation.

Desiring something to fix the anxiety.

The worry.

The fears.

The what if's.
My OCD tendencies.
My anxiety.
My ugliness.
My messed up self.

BUT,

What would happen if I just walked with Him?
Believed Him at His Word?

"The king is enthralled by your beauty..."
Psalm 45:11 (NIV)

"He Behold, you are beautiful, my love,behold, you are beautiful! Your eyes are doves behind your veil." Song of Solomon 4:1

"You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the LORD,
and a royal diadem in the hand of your God."

Isaiah 62:3 ESV

"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are" 1 John 3:1

"For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways." Psalm 91:11

Jesus loves Losers.

He said in Matthew 9:12, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. Go and learn what this means, 'I desire mercy, and not sacrifice. For I came not to call the righteous, but sinners."

Sweet, precious, tender, gracious Father,

Please give me Your eyes to see how You see me.

Retrain my mind to see the good in me and not just the bad.

Forgive me. Comfort me. Love me. Show me Your way.

In Your Precious Name I pray.

If any scriptures come to mind about God and His love for us, please share them with me:)

The Spirit

2011-01-17T19:59:00.001-05:00

339. memory verse for this week and the next.

Galatians 5:22-24 (English Standard Version)

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires."

340. so very thankful for His Spirit. so. so. so. thankful.

i don't want to forget

2011-01-16T21:48:00.000-05:00

328. golden curls on La lit up by the beautiful sunshine on the beach.

329. building a sandcastle with Mac and his total excitement.

330. seeing a dolphin jumping in the ocean.

331. spaghetti dinner with garlic bread. made by my hubby.

332. getting lost in my book.

333. ballet shoes on the beach.

334. the way this sweet older lady on the beach looked at my family and smiled from ear to ear.

335. The Lord has blessed me in more ways than I can think or imagine.

336. He redeems and restores.

337. He calls me Beloved.

338. I am His.

"I waited patiently for the LORD;
   he inclined to me and heard my cry.
He drew me up from the pit of destruction,
   out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock,
    making my steps secure.
He put a new song in my mouth,
   a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
   and put their trust in the LORD."

Psalm 40:1-3

Just what the Great Physician ordered

2011-01-15T12:34:00.000-05:00

318. the beach.

319. regular coke.

320. The Word.

321. Mercies that are new every morning.

322. kiddos who are thrilled to be at the beach.

323. warm blankets.

324. a book that I can't seem to stop reading.

325. good pizza.

326. a husband who loves me in a very sweet and tender way.

327. His faithfulness that never fails.

1.11.11

2011-01-13T22:57:00.000-05:00

I did something that is so out of character for me.

You can read about it right here

Actually, you can watch what we did.

Crazy. People. Crazy.
But, oh how painfully sweet.
Let me explain.

I had been at home all day with my children.
We were stir crazy.
I felt like I was about to lose it.

Leighton comes home.
He can tell that I need to get OUT.
So, we are driving to Casa Linda for dinner.
LO calls and says, "Come over. We are forming a Polar Bear Club."
Huh? What?

The guys are jumping in the pool.
Crazy. We will come and watch, because I have to see this to believe it.
We eat mexican and head on over to the Owens.

LO talks me into picking out a bathing suit.
It is almost like an outer body experience.
Because the whole time I was thinking to myself.
No way, Jose. Nope. Not me.
I'm afraid. I don't do fun stuff like that.
I use too though.

You see, six years ago my life changed in a 24 hour period.
I was so fearful that something changed deep within me.
I went to take my real dad to rehab.
He had a loaded gun.
He was going to kill himself.

I pleaded with him to let me go if he was going to do it.
He was so drugged up that he barely made any sense at all.
I was scared.
Like scared beyond anything I had ever experience thus far in my life.
I didn't know if he was going to hurt me either.
I think I walked around in complete fear the entire time I was up there.
I even had to spend the night.
I don't think I slept.
Because he was in the den with the gun.

His sickness stripped me of so much in that 24 hour time frame.
Not to mention the weeks after taking him to rehab.
Blah, blah I could go on and on about how he has consistently hurt me over and over again.
But, I won't.

BECAUSE.
^"As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today. So do not fear; I will provide for you and your little ones." Thus he comforted them and spoke kindly to them."

Genesis 50:20-21

Back to the pool situation.
Jeannie and Kelly come over.
We all get ready to jump in the pool.
Hysterical.
I am almost 37 years old and I am about to jump in a pool that is surrounded by snow.
WHHHAATTTT?

The whole time leading up to jumping, I am telling them.
"I can't do it. I can't do it."
Their response. "Your doing it. Your doing it."
So, Jeannie pulls me in. Lo jumps at the same time.
And. Let me tell you. I have never experienced anything like this before.

Cold water up my nose.
They said I was throwing elbows to get to the ladder. (very typical. i am a fighter. fo sure)
I could not breathe. I ran straight to the corner in Lo's basement to catch my breathe.
Shock. I actually did it (or was made to do it;)
Then we watched the guys do it.
Hysterical.

The kids thought it was awesome.
Because. it. was.
After I got dressed and had a warm cup of decaf sitting by the fire.
A sense of rejuvenation came over my whole body.
I did it.
I had fun and did something that was totally awesome. crazy.
And I didn't die. My heart didn't stop.
I didn't have a panic attack.
I felt a sense of relief.

God gave me this beautiful picture of redemption and restoration.
I have been living the past 6 years of my life in fear.
Debilitating fear at times.
But, God has given me a new heart. A new song.
He is remaking me into who He wants me to be.
Not who I want me to be.

Did you get that last part of Genesis 50:21.
Joseph spoke kindly to his brothers.
Joseph comforted his brothers.
The brothers that sold him.
The brothers that wanted him dead.

Joseph knew that God meant him good by what evil had taken place.
He trusted God with every ounce of his being.
So much so, that he LOVED his brothers that had sinned against him.
LOVE.
Not hate. Not anger. Not disappointments. Not abandonment or betrayal.
Comfort and kind words.

Please Lord continue to change my heart to not be fearful. Replace my fears with Your Perfect Love. Peace. Happiness and Joy. Fill me with the fruit of Your Spirit.

1.10.11

2011-01-10T13:21:00.001-05:00

301. watching Annie with my girl.

302. snuggles on the couch with my girl.

303. learning what some of her favorite things are.

304. lazy weekend.

305. naps.

306. wood burning fires.

307. walking out in the snow and seeing a cardinal.
308. God's beauty.
309. "I love you's" from both of my kiddos today. unsolicited. just. because. they. do.
310. love feels better than anger.
311. tomorrow is 1.11.11. so cool.
312. jasper (our doggie)
313. hot clothes out of the dryer.
314. snow forts.
315. leighton's homemade vegetable soup.
316. a hubby who doesn't mind cooking.
317. an unexpected gift, from an angel. someone whom i have never met. but, will never forget.
thank you, mamaliz:)

"If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to whose who ask Him."
Matthew 7:11

1.3.11

2011-01-03T13:11:00.001-05:00

292. ballet shoes and jeans.....together on my girl.

293. a Sunday afternoon talk with hubby.

294. the prospect of more growth.

295. the Truth that the Lord loves me just.the.way.i.am.

296. watching a movie by myself yesterday.

297. school beginning today.

298. free downloads here and here.

299. finding a new song.

300. word strengtheners.

"Forgiven beloved
Hidden in Christ
Made in the image of the Giver of Life
Righteous and holy
Reborn and remade
Accepted and worthy, this is our new name
This is who we are now…" Jason Gray

prayer and scripture

2011-01-01T09:18:00.002-05:00

Dear Heavenly Father,
I come to you now asking that you guide me through this year helping me overcome my fears. Please Lord, help me to forget what lies behind and keep moving toward You. I have already started looking for my first memory verse and thank you for helping me find it. I love you so much and thank you for all you have redeemed and restored in my life. Please teach me more about grace and mercy. How to receive these precious gifts of Yours. And to not run away from them.
In Jesus’ name,
allison

I am going to attempt to memorize scripture with The Siestas.

Here is my first memory verse of the year:

” Lord, when doubts fill my mind, when my heart is in turmoil, quiet me and give me renewed hope and cheer.” Psalm 94:19 Living Bible

P.S. I just changed my memory verse;)

words.

2010-12-28T22:10:00.000-05:00

My favorite blog is doing a series on words.
No surprise to God that this was exactly what I needed.
Just at the right time.

Fear.
It takes hold of my heart and takes me places I never want to go.
I know all the scriptures about fear.
I know all the scriptures about anxiety.
I know. I have memorized them. Written them on my heart.

Be Not Afraid
It humbles me so how the Lord uses people to encourage me in my walk with the Lord with words.
Words that are like healing balm for my heart and soul.

"Fear is holy ground; it holds the possibility of transformation." Ann Voskamp

I trust you, Jesus.
I love you, Jesus.
I know your Promises are true.
Your Words are Healing.
Your Spirit is AMAZING.

I trust you, Jesus.
I look with anticipation the possibility of transformation.
Even though I don't want this fear to be a part of me, I know that it draws me to You. And for You I will follow.

I have tasted Your goodness. I have found refuge in You. You Alone.

Daily Bread

2010-12-20T06:58:00.003-05:00

282. "It is good to give thanks to the LORD,
to sing praises to your name, O Most High;
to declare your steadfast love in the morning,
and your faithfulness by night," Psalm 92:1-2

283. A Father who sets His affections on me.

284. A Father who is patient with me.

285. A Father who is teaching me about grace and mercy.

286. watching my son pull my daughter down the hill with my duster.

287. eating dinner by candlelight as a family.

288. love and forgiveness.

289. even though my dad has to start radiation and stands to lose everything he worked his entire life for, I will PRAISE Him.
290. even though my baby sister, Susan, is moving to Germany I am trusting her to Him. And looking forward to visiting:)
291. thankful for my brother in law who is serving our country. please Lord protect him while he is in Afghanistan.

291. Jesus.

267

2010-12-13T22:23:00.000-05:00

Choosing gratitude

267. fun, crazy field trip to grocery store with 70 2nd graders.

268. fun night away with hubby.

269. running into a friend at Costco:)

270. pictures hung on walls.

271. watching Elf.

272. a sweet and loving husband.

273. friends who encourage me daily.

274. a God Who is continuously showing me that it is better for Him to be in control than me.

275. that old patterns of life can be changed.

276. even when I feel sadness or disappointments, I can give it to the Lord and trust that His plan is way better than mine. (Thanks Maia!)

277. finally taking a video of my new house and sending it to my family and hearing their response:)

278. Janet, I will forward it to you. right.now!

279. one week without facebook has allowed me to not get behind on my laundry and that is spelled like this: RELIEF.

280. thankful for the difference I feel since cutting out bread and refined carbs.

281. thankful that His mercies are new every morning. every midday. every night.

self control

2010-12-09T20:23:00.001-05:00

Whoop there it is.

self control.

staring me in the face ALL the time.

whether it be my

thoughts.

food.

judgments.

words.

pride.

coveting.

self righteousness.

facebook.

I really do love how the Lord uses all of these things in life that confront each of us
everyday
to run to Him
or run away from Him.
guilty a lot of the later.
But, oh how sweet He is when we are obedient.
When we follow His Spirit and
TRUST.

I walked away from Facebook.
crackbook.
I have found myself getting on the computer and tempted to go
only because it is habit of wanting to see
to hear
how people are doing.
Now, this is not a bad thing necessarily.
Especially if you are one of the lucky ones who doesn't get sucked in.
I am so happy for you if you can walk away.
Or better yet just check once a month.
Not moi.

So, today is day 2.
It feels pretty good.
Ok, I miss seeing updates.
But, I am loving my extra time.
Lovin' it.

P.S. I don't think there is anything wrong with Facebook (well, I really hate that the guy who started it is now worth billions.) It has just become an idol for me. So, I am walking away for a while:)

1000 gifts

2010-12-06T16:53:00.000-05:00

251. a clean house.

252. the smell of Christmas tree.

253. the decision to let go of facebook.

254. tickle time.

255. stepping heavenward.
256. a sunday afternoon nap.
257. clean sheets.
258. a warm bed.
259. silly emails with sisters.
260. the wonder of the conception of Christ.
261. the wonder of the Resurrection of Christ.
262. just blown away by His love for us.
263. The Book of Hebrews.
264. "Although He was a son, He learned obedience through what He suffered." Hebrews 5:8
265. that we have a Savior who sympathizes with us. how comforting is that?
266. to have faith and trust, you have to BELIEVE.

Thankful Thursday

2010-12-02T11:37:00.001-05:00

238. thankful to be back home.

239. thankful that our new home is kinda feeling like home.

240. thankful we have a home.

241. thankful for the beautiful moon this morning.

242. thankful for the cross i saw in the sky (from airplanes).

243. thankful for dear friends who encourage me and point me to the Lord.

244. thankful for the fact that the Lord loves me so much and continuously extends His grace and mercy to me.

245. thankful for funny comments from my kids.

246. thankful that my son gets up by himself every morning without a fuss. eats his breakfast. does his chores.

247. thankful that he is nothing like i was as a child. total gift from God.

248. thankful for "green acres"...my car. it is falling apart. but, i am thankful that i have a car. and that it is paid for.

249. thankful for the sweetest email from my dad. i really needed it last night:)

250. thankful for God's Word. His Truth. His Promises.

Abundance

2010-11-30T21:16:00.000-05:00

of issues.

would y'all please just pray?

It ain't pretty.

I know the Lord is working in my heart.

But, my heart is hurting.

Hurting for people I love.

It hurts.

I am choosing to take it to the Cross.

I am laying my burdens at the foot of the Cross.

Forgive me Lord when I want to hold on to them and fix.

fix.

It is not my job. It is Yours and You do a great job.

I trust You, Jesus.

I believe Your promises.

I am clinging to Your promises.

You are good.

I love You.

Amen.

take 2

2010-11-22T21:22:00.001-05:00

i just have to keep shouting out my praises today.

230. an absolutely beautiful day to drive.

231. a big bare tree in the center of trees covered in beautiful colored leaves.

232. singing praise music at the top of my lungs and sticking my hand out of the sunroof.

233. my momma teaching me how to make homemade banana pudding.

234. talking with my daddy as the sun sets.

234. reading this has stirred something in my soul.

235. hugging my momma.

236. soul talking with my momma.
237. the prospect of making this

can you tell i am happy to be with my parents?

Thank you, Lord.

"This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24

Multitude

2010-11-22T07:26:00.000-05:00

218. winks from my boy just when i needed them.

219. make believe war with a shower curtain rod.

220. football in our new big back yard.

221. adventures in the stream next to our new home.

222. laughter.

223. the best friends a girl could ever have.

224. the sweetest email from my dear friend, Maia.

225. watching the leaves fall from the trees.

226. the opportunity to spend some time with my parents alone.

227. a husband who is making the above happen.

228. "When you experience the glory of God, the demands of discipleship become blessings that carry you along in joyful obedience." Warren Wiersbe.

229. "Obedience equals happiness." John Rosemond

moving

2010-11-19T07:56:00.000-05:00

A little over a year ago I met this awesome girl.

Her name is LO.

She rocks.

Seriously.

The Lord knew I needed a friend just like her.

She is beautiful. fun. inspiring. encouraging.

Now, she is moving.

I am sad.

REAL.SAD.

Happy for their family and this awesome opportunity.

But, sad for moi.

She is not the only friend moving.

One moved six months ago.

One moved four months ago.

Another is moving.

I know moving is a part of life.

We have moved four times in our eleven years of marriage.

But, I just feel like throwing a big ol' tantrum.

You know the ones like your kids throw?

Yep.

Maybe I will just go and do that and possible I will feel better.

Or better yet, I will take this to the Lord.

Ephesians 4:30 (The Message)

³⁰Don't grieve God. Don't break his heart. His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for himself. Don't take such a gift for granted.

Romans 12:12 (English Standard Version)

¹² Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

blessings

2010-11-17T15:51:00.000-05:00

He will yet fill your mouth with laughing, and your lips with rejoicing.
(Job 8:21)

201. fall leaves.

202. family turkey project.

203. fancy nancy books.

204. eating dinner as a family.

205. having food.

206. having a home.

207. having heat.

208. having blankets.

209. redeemed marriage.

210. uncontrollable giggles from my children.

211. light butter popcorn.

212. finding a picture of Mac when he was 6 months sitting on top of pumpkins. his head was as big as some of them;)

213. seeing his fat baby fingers. i remember them like yesterday.

214. i love you's....

215. sidewalk chalk.

216. good times with friends.

217. tic tac toe with my girl.

quietness

2010-11-01T06:42:00.000-04:00

183. thankful for the quiet in the early morning.

184. thankful for excited kiddos on Halloween.

185. thankful there are no twix in my house.

186. thankful to God for all of our many blessings.

187. thankful for our house closing today.

188. thankful for our new home.

189. thankful to be able to see God's Hand in all that has happened over the past four and a half years. Good and Bad.

190. thankful that the good far outweighs the bad.

191. thankful for His mercy and grace.

192. thankful that He keeps whispering to me, "Allison, you do not have to fix everyone's problems. Trust Me."

193. thankful for the times when I say, "I trust you, Jesus." And the Peace that comes over me. It is pretty amazing.

194. thankful for His constant wooing me to Himself.

195. thankful that my children have a different life than I had growing up.

196. thankful for the life I had growing up because He used it to draw me to Himself.

197. thankful for Jasper (our dog.) we have put him through four moves in his eleven years.

198. thankful that he won't have to climb stairs anymore.

199. thankful for the friends who are helping us out this week while we move.

200. thankful for Jesus. sweet and precious Jesus. thank you.

hidden

2010-10-27T14:14:00.000-04:00

hidden.

"How can a young man keep his way pure?
By living according to your word.

I seek you with all my heart;
do not let me stray from your commands.

I have hidden your word in my heart
that I might not sin against you."

Psalm 119:9-11

walking.

^"My son, be attentive to my words;
   incline your ear to my sayings.
Let them not escape from your sight;
    keep them within your heart.
For they are life to those who find them,
   and healing to all their flesh.
Keep your heart with all vigilance,
   for from it flow the springs of life.
Put away from you crooked speech,
   and put devious talk far from you.
Let your eyes look directly forward,
   and your gaze be straight before you.
Ponder the path of your feet;
    then all your ways will be sure.
Do not swerve to the right or to the left;
   turn your foot away from evil."

Proverbs 4:20-27

peace.

"You keep him in perfect peace
whose mind is stayed on you,
because he trusts in you."

Isaiah 26:3

"For the mountains may depart
   and the hills be removed,
but my steadfast love shall not depart from you,
   and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,
   says the LORD, who has compassion on you."

Isaiah 54:10

Thank you, Ann for taking me back to the first place where I discovered God.

Memorizing scripture.

Thank you for the reminder to turn to His Word.

Hide it in my Heart.

Walk.

With.

Him.

Not to the right or the left.

Proud

2010-10-25T13:48:00.001-04:00

It is raining.

The last time I wrote my gratitude's it was raining.

The rain must bring out my thankfulness.

171. thankful for the kind words my mother said to me today. she told me she was proud of me.

172. thankful that I heard her instead of not listening.

173. thankful that my Heavenly Father knew exactly what I needed today.

174. little girls in dress up clothes.

175. coloring princesses.

176. community coffee

177. thin everything bagels.

178. a Sunday nap.

179. a run in the rain.

180. thankful for friends who are providing prayers and support during our move this week:)

181. thankful for my momma.

182. thankful for this quote:

"But there is an undercurrent of peace that is not entirely disturbed by any outside event. In spite of my follies and my shortcomings, I do believe that God loves and pities me and will yet perfect that which concerneth me. It is a great mystery. But so is everything."

Katy Mortimer in "Stepping Heavenward" by Elizabeth Prentiss

P.S. Thank you Momma, for your kind words today. You have no idea how your words ministered to my heart. Thank you for praying for me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I am proud to call you my momma:)

Meet me

2010-10-19T14:18:00.000-04:00

where you are right now.

Looking back is slowly creeping its ugly way back.

As we prepare to move,

The Lord is cleaning some stuff out of my heart.

Good and Bad.

Good.

Lawson decided to give up her thumb.

Great.

But, oh.my.word.

The whining and disobedience are full force.

I got all teary eyed last night because this is kind of huge.

Not to you.

But to me.

You see, La sucked her thumb in my belly.

I was convinced she didn't have a face.

I found out why when she was 3 months old.

Her thumb.

She loved her thumb.

I loved seeing her suck her thumb.

Some are grossed out by thumb suckers,

but not moi.

I am so proud of her.

She is doing it!

Maybe I was holding on to her sucking her thumb a little because of the hard pregnancy I had with her.

But, all things have changed since her birth.

I am not the same person I once was.

We are moving into a new house in 2 weeks.

Packing has been a struggle for me.

I am putting things off because I just don't want to go there.

But, I feel Him saying, "Just meet Me, Allison."

"Trust Me, Allison."

There is part of me that does want to meet Him.

There is part of me that does not want to meet Him.

Torn. Conflicted.

I do know that when I do meet Him, I feel better.

So, here I am Lord.

Meeting You.

Here.

Right.

Now.

With open hands and a heart yearning for You.

I know this house doesn't define me.

You do.

I know my car (which is kind of Green Acre(ish)) doesn't define me.

You do.

My kids behavior doesn't define me.

You do.

Please Lord, help me be in the world and not of the world.

Help me cling to You and look to You for Your strength.

Not mine.

Because I lose every time.

Without You.

Forgive me for my coveting.

For my desiring things instead of You.

Forgive me for looking back with regret.

Forgive me for not seeing Your redemption and forgiveness.

Forgive me for not loving You with my whole heart.

Thank you for Your Word.

Thank You for Your Promises.

Thank You for Your grace and mercy.

Thank You, Jesus.

Thank You.

Maze

2010-10-03T21:21:00.000-04:00

Once again.

If only I had child like faith.

Tonight when I was putting Mac down for bed,

we read about Elijah and how he trusted God.

He obeyed God.

So, I proceeded to tell Mac two stories of mine where I have trusted.

The first was when I trusted God about going back to school.

I told him that it was a very hard time in our life, but that God taught us so much during that time.

It made me trust Him even more than before.

Even though it was hard.

But, I was confident that the Lord took me there for some very good reasons.

Then I told him how his daddy and I trusted the Lord about selling our home.

He provided the perfect buyers for our house.

Then I explained to him that we trusted that the Lord had the perfect house for us.

But, it was hard trying to find this home.

There were times when we were like this is the perfect home, and then it wouldn't work out.

Disappointment. Worry. Burdens.

The Lord provided a way each time, until the perfect house came along.

And it was such a sweet surprise.

We did trust in the Lord the whole time.

Mac gets all excited.

It's like a maze, Momma. It's like a maze.

How you go one direction and stop.

Then go a different direction until you find the way out.

Genius.

You are so right, son.

It is a winding road,

full of ups and downs,

detours and

stops.

All we have to do is keep our eyes on the Prize.

gracious

2010-09-27T14:10:00.001-04:00

Dear Gracious Father,

You have loved me with an everlasting love.

You have guided me through the worst of storms

and the

best of times.

You have been there from the beginning,

wooing and pursuing me.

Me.

Why?

Especially the times in which I flee from your presence.

You still pursue me.

You still love me.

You still guide me.

Thank you, gracious Father for having mercy on me and calling me Yours.

Thank you.

163. L learning how to write her name (even though she has practiced on her walls and doll house.)

164. that Your Spirit can help with self control and gentleness.

165. moving boxes that are providing entertainment for the kids.

166. the crock pot.

167. thank you for teaching me that praising You gives me great joy too.

168. Proverbs 31 Ministries

169. helping me see who I am in You. through Your eyes and not my own.

170. beauty in the rain and how it quenches thirsty ground and souls.

No Pain, No Gain.

2010-09-25T21:23:00.000-04:00

Alrighty.

I dislike Walmart.

But, I went today to get math flashcards for Mac.

While I am trying to find them, and trying not to get upset

I saw a t-shirt that said,

"No Pain, No Gain"

This resonated with me because:
1. I am running in the Mud Run
2. My son has gotten 2 notes home from his teacher this week.
3. We are in the process of moving.

Ok, now I have completed the Mud Run.
It is over. I hurt. I want to cry.
But, I finished.
And that feels so good.
If I had not gone through the actual pain of completing this task, there would be no gain.

Friday was hard.
So, so disappointed in M.
His teacher told me that he has not been obeying on the first time.
Not listening during reading time.
Leighton and I made the decision to not let him go canoeing today as punishment.
It pained us to have to take away something that he would have LOVED.
But, without the pain, he will not gain.

We are truly blessed that our home has sold.
Seriously. It is a God thing.
Then we kind of freaked about finding a home.
It was a big ole pain.
God provided the perfect home for us.
He provided this gain.

So, I guess what I am trying to say is that there is really no way to gain without Jesus.
Jesus suffered the ultimate pain.
He died so we could gain.
His pain was so much worse than we could ever even imagine.
He took the weight of all our sins.
So we could live.

He wants us to live life and live it abundantly.
But, this does not mean that life will be filled with just roses.
There will be thorns.
Thorns hurt.
The pain is worth it.
The gain is even better.

"Look to the Lord and His strength. Seek His face always." Psalm 105:4

safe

2010-09-16T22:43:00.000-04:00

Tonight as I am putting Mac to bed, he says,

"I feel safe with you."

My heart just sank and smiled at the same time.

We live in such a harsh world.

All I ever want for my children is that they would feel safe and loved.

My heart smiled because he said this on the heels of being disciplined.

He got a note sent home from the teacher.

First.One.Ever.

He was reading a book while the teacher was reading.

So, he had to spend the afternoon in his room and no tv today. (He only gets 30 minutes when he gets home....but he LOVES that 30 mins to unwind.)

He feels safe with me, even when I discipline him.

I feel the same with Jesus.

Safe.

Even when I am disciplined.

Grasping Gratitude

2010-08-30T17:32:00.000-04:00

Today as my thoughts turned to some regrets with decisions we have made,

I made a choice to be intentional with giving thanks to the Lord.

156. We have sold our house.

Thank you, Lord.

157. Downsizing feels good.

Thank you, Lord.

158. The privilege to see the Lord totally provide for our needs and more.

Thank you, Lord.

159. Eyes to see my children grow and learn.

Thank you, Lord.

160. Ears to hear my children giggle.

Thank you, Lord.

161. Confidence in You.

Thank you, Lord.

162. For Ann's words today.

Thank you, Lord.

Clinging

2010-08-29T18:33:00.000-04:00

Clinging.

I have always loved to cling to people and or things that make me feel safe.

Sometimes it could be

my husband.

my children.

my family.

my friends.

food.

my things.

But, you know what I have learned over the past year?

The only person I can cling to is Jesus.

His Cross.

Which leads to all the things I have ever longed for.

Grace.

Mercy.

Forgiveness.

Love.

Joy.

Fellowship.

Giggles.

Security.

Jesus.

I am learning to lay my burdens at the foot of the Cross.

Releasing fears.

Grasping for Him.

Believing the Truth.

Not lies.

Repenting.

Receiving Forgiveness.

Receiving love.

Receiving mercy.

Receiving grace.

Receiving joy.

Receiving Jesus.

Fellowship with Him.

By receiving His Gifts, gives me encouragement to give His Gifts to others. And that my friends, feels good.

Thank you, Jesus.

The Giver of Life.

These are a few of my favorite things....

2010-08-23T21:39:00.000-04:00

Continuing with intentional gratitude.

143. laughing out loud at one of the funniest texts I have received in a long time.

144. i love that Lawson loves her tutu and i let her wear it everywhere. because i think it is precious.

145. singing vacation bible school songs at the top of my lungs with my children.

146. even though trusting God when i am not sure of how things are going to turn out is better than when i didn't believe He meant good for me. so much better.

147. good friends.

148. thankful for the past year. even though i didn't finish graduate school, i don't regret going. He taught me so much while i was there.

149. thankful that L has a job. we are coming up on a year when he was let go from his job.

150. how God can turn anger into compassion and change my heart.

151. love feels better that hate.

152. love makes others feel better too.

153. God's Word. Rocks.

154. unexpected "I love you's." today was when Lawson told Shelley that she loved her. so.stinkin.sweet.

155. haircuts. they always put a little jump in my step. and i need one.bad.

Taking Away.

2010-08-21T07:13:00.000-04:00

You can take away something I love,

But,

You can not take away the memories I treasure.

Here are a few of the memories I love:

Driving to the farm with family.

The Barbecue Stand (The old one, of course.)

Jumping for hours in the cotton.

Complaining about having to show a cow.

Seeing my daddy's face light up as soon as he got on the farm.

Driving in the tractors.

The beauty of Black Angus Cows.

The history behind the farm.

How a man married a lady, who he knew would die.

How they were never suppose to have children, but they did.

How she is a miracle.

How God led him to my momma.

How I got to experience love in a different way than before him.

Homemade sleds tied to the back of the truck.

Bumpy rides in the fields checking out the cows.

Watching the birth of a new calf.

Bringing it home with us because the momma died and getting to feed it bottles.

How my daddy farmed because he loved it, not because of the money.

Climbing the big magnolia tree for hours.

Learning to drive in the pastures.

Sub Deb mud day at the farm.

Seeing the children run out of the mobile homes when they saw our truck pull into the farm.

How my momma loved teaching the little children.

How their eyes would light up when they saw my parents.

Now, as an adult seeing the children grown, how they still come to see my parents.

The farm might be taken away, but the memories of sweeter times will remain.

They can not be taken away.

Nope.

They are forever etched in my heart.

Etched it my whole families heart.

We are choosing to PRAISE the Lord in this difficult time.

We are clinging to HIS Promises.

Not the promises of this world.

My sister, the one who should have never been born, said it the best:

"what Jesus dealt with was not fair…He didn’t do anything wrong to deserve what he went through…actually He did nothing wrong period. And I guess that’s just the way it is in life sometimes…It’s all for God’s glory…the joy and the suffering."

Amen, Anna.

Amen.

Walking with Him Wednesday

2010-08-18T13:36:00.000-04:00

It is funny that I spent the majority of my life running from God.

Now I feel the closest To Him by just walking WITH Him.

Not in front.

Not in the back.

Right beside Him.

If I run in front, I become anxious and fearful. Or act like a crazy person trying to control everything.

If I run behind, I act like I am not forgiven for the past. Pity party if you please.

He came to absorb the guilt and shame of all that is past and present.

How amazing!

He is amazing!

There is joy and peace that comes from just Walking with Him.

Walking.

Not.

Running.

I think I ran from God because I didn't want to be disciplined.

Who in their right mind likes to be disciplined.

Not me.

Never have been one to love being disciplined.

Just ask my momma;)

But, I look for how the Lord is disciplining me.

I am not scared of it anymore.

He is not like my earthly father.

Not one little bit.

He is better.

He is sweeter.

He is full of love, peace, joy and grace.

He wants me to be more like Him.

He loves me.

"For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:11

Obedience leads to happiness.

So, right now I am Walking with Him and not running.

I am not going to be consumed with the "what if's."

The Lord with provide.

I trust Him.

In the Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

Continuing my gratitude journey

2010-08-09T14:44:00.000-04:00

132. conversations with my 7 year old.

133. Annie (The movie.)

134. tadpoles that are growing tiny legs:) and the excitement that brings to a 7 year old.

135. Truly trusting the Lord and being at peace in the good times and the storms.

136. thankful to count all loss as joy because of Him.

137. thankful to even think of fall being around the corner:)

138. little girls with side ponytails......with curls.

139. saving $73 yesterday grocery shopping.

140. a pantry and refrigerator that is full. (there are so many without.)

141. the anticipation of a road trip to NOLA.

142. the anticipation of a girls weekend to Windy Gap. WHOOOOOHOOOO!

"I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart;
I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.
I will be glad and exult in you;
I will sing praise to your name, O Most High."

Psalm 9:1-2

loss

2010-08-09T07:16:00.002-04:00

loss.

I miss Joe.

But, tonight was especially hard.

I told Mac a few weeks ago that Da-dada is not my real father.

Joe is my real father's name.

He didn't ask too many questions that day and actually none since.

Tonight the questions came and they were hard.

Mac, "Mom, so Ma-mama was married to Joe?"

Me, "Yes, they divorced and Ma-mama married Da-dada. Joe is Aunt Meme's real father too. But, Da-dada is our daddy. Da-dada was married before Ma-mama and he had Anna and her mother passed away from Cystic Fibrosis. Then after Ma-mama and Da-dada were married they had Aunt Susu."

Mac, "So, Joe is sick?"

Me, "Yes, baby. I don't understand what is wrong with him. He is just not very nice and says very hurtful things."

Mac (he starts crying, like big deep crying) "But, I want to meet him."

Oh, sweet Jesus....come.

The tears start flowing from me. I hold Mac and tell him that I love Joe. I pray for Joe every day.

Oh, sweet Jesus.....come.

Mac, "Does he not love you?"

Oh, sweet Jesus.....come.

Me, "Yes, baby he loves me. He told me he loved me a few months ago. But, he is sick. Let's pray for him."

Mac, "Ok."

So, we pray for Joe.

It was so hard and yet so good. This life is hard. I made sure to let Mac know that because of Joe, I came to know the Lord and it is all worth it. ALL OF IT. The.good.the.bad.and.the.ugly.

I can't keep my sweet boy sheltered from the bad in this world.

I can teach him to pray.

I can teach him about the Lord.

I can teach him about real Love.

I can teach him about forgiveness.

I can teach him about trust.

I can teach him about heartbreak.

I can teach him about compassion.

The Lord is working on my boy. He is using him in a mighty way to minister to my own heart. He is healing my broken heart with the most precious son in the whole wide world.

" But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ." Philippians 3:7-8 ESV)

" Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him."

Psalm 34:8

even though

2010-07-31T08:32:00.001-04:00

Thankful

Even

Though

1. i am kind of sad to be downsizing, i am looking forward to using the skills this big house has taught me.

2. the cold water is hot(because it is 200 degrees here in Columbia), we have water and it is clean.

3. i needed a little break from my precious girl, i miss her something fierce and can't wait to wrap my arms around her:)

4. selling our house is a pain(i mean who really wants to keep their house tidy everyday?), i am thankful for the encouragement i am getting because it feels so much better to have a clean house. motivation...baby:)

5. it is sometimes hard to trust in the Lord with all my heart, i am learning that it is easier to trust and rest in Him than trying to have control over everything. control makes me crazy. trying to give it up. it feels pretty good too;)

6. the daddy cardinal's have left the premises, i am thankful for the momma cardinal that has perched outside my window.

7. i will miss the beautiful yard, i am thankful for the love i have developed for working in the yard.

8. it was hard to tell my son about my real father, what a joy it was to tell him about my earthly and Heavenly Father!

9. it is hard to get rid of "stuff", it actually feels good and liberating. it is just "stuff."

10. we have a 7 hour trip ahead of us, we are going to have a glorious weekend with family in Alabama:) WHOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!

Day 30

2010-07-24T21:57:00.000-04:00

Wow.

Today is Day 30 of my journey on giving thanks.

I can honestly say that I feel different.

I feel better.

Wow.

I am going to post some of the things I have found that I am thankful for:

1. Breathing Out and Breathing In
by A.B. Simpson (1843-1919)

Jesus, breathe Thy Spirit in me,
Teach me how to breathe Thee in,
Help me pour into Thy bosom
All my life of self and sin.

I am breathing out my own life,
That I may be filled with Thine;
Letting go my strength and weakness,
Breathing in Thy life divine.

Breathing out my sinful nature,
Thou has borne it all for me;
Breathing in Thy cleansing fullness,
Finding all my life in Thee.

I am breathing out my sorrow,
On Thy kind and gentle breast;
Breathing in Thy joy and comfort,
Breathing in Thy peace and rest.

I am breathing out my longings,
In Thy list’ning loving ear,
I am breathing in Thy answers,
Stilling every doubt and fear.

I am breathing every moment,
Drawing all my life from Thee;
Breath by breath I live upon Thee,
Blessed Spirit, breathe in me.

2. "God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him....choose joy." Jim Elliot

3. "Too many people miss the silver lining because they are expecting gold." Gitzen Girl

4. "I am simply overwhelmed with thankfulness to Him." C.J. Mahany

5. Over time, choosing gratitude means choosing joy." Nancy Leigh DeMoss

6. "And above all these put on love, which binds everything together." Col. 3:14

Day 29

2010-07-23T22:33:00.000-04:00

“Difficulties for which I am and will be grateful:”

I like your determination in the “I am and WILL be grateful.”

1. This is so shallow. I am thankful for the bull frog that is going crazy in my back yard right now. I mean it is the most annoying sound, but there are now tiny frog eggs growing in our pond. My son proceeded to tell me all about them and when I said, “son, how do you know all of this?” He replied, “Well, mom I read the book about the life cycles of frogs.” So, every time I hear that bull frog, I smile because my boy loves nature. I mean really loves nature and I thankful for his excitement over God’s creation. (It really is amazing….stay tuned because I am going to take pics and put them on my blog:))

2. I am thankful for my real father. Even though we don’t talk and most likely never will. The Lord has really used him to teach me what a Real Father is like and for that I am eternally thankful. My heart has been broken more times than I care to even think about. But, the joy, peace and love from the Lord are the Best Band-Aid ever. He is the best wound Healer.

3. Through all the difficulties, He teaches me so much. It never ceases to amaze me at all He has us His sleeves. So, I am thankful for sanctification.

4. I am thankful that even though it was hard for me to get pregnant and many tears were shed, I was able to have a baby. And He gave me the sweetest boy ever. I am thankful that M is such an affectionate child. He has taught me a lot about accepting love and not turning it away or running from love.

5. I am thankful for the trials that my husband and I have had in the past. These trials were not fun, but they have played a part in the restoration of our relationship. HE has redeemed our broken marriage and made it something beautiful.

I am too tired to proof read. Please forgive me:)

Day 28

2010-07-22T16:22:00.000-04:00

1. So, so thankful that my girl is alright. She woke up from her nap and was coming down the stairs and took quite the tumble. Bless her heart. I actually shed tears. It scared the mess out of me. For Real. She is one tough cookie. Thank you, Lord for protecting her. Thank YOU!

2. Thankful for such a fun morning with friends:)

3. Thankful that I am thankful;)

4. Thankful for my momma. Maybe this is a repeat, but let me tell you....she is pretty awesome. My mom and dad are having a rough time as of late. She sent me an email recently that asked us(my sister's) to pray for the people that have hurt them. Such a sweet example of seeing Christ. Love instead of hate. Love instead of anger. It doesn't mean we don't hurt. Or that we aren't disappointed. I am proud of her. She has been through a lot and I respect and love her more now than ever.

5. Three words: Diet Mountain Dew.

Day 27

2010-07-21T08:25:00.000-04:00

I am going with the theme of the past post. Quotes or scripture I am thankful for.

1. “God’s faithfulness never fails us.” I have this little business card thingy in my kitchen window sill. I love being able to look at it while I am loading and loading the dishwasher. Two things I absolutely loathe.

2. “I will trust and not be afraid.” Isaiah 12:2

3. I love that I continued to read the rest of this chapter in Isaiah and it goes like this. God is so cool. Period.

“for the Lord God is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation. With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation. And you will say in that day:
‘Give thanks to the Lord, call upon his name, make known his deeds among the peoples, proclaim that his name be exulted.’
‘Sing praises to the Lord, for he has done gloriously; let this be known in all the earth.’
Shout, and sing for joy, O inhabitant of Zion, for great in your midst is the Holy One of Israel.” Isaiah 12:3-6

4. For some odd reason I just broke out my handwritten journals. I have been scared to open them for months, but this is what I found.

“We cry too often to be delivered from the punishment, instead of the sin that lies behind it. We are anxious to escape from the things that cause us pain rather than from the things that cause God pain.” G. Campbell Morgan.

I wrote this in my journal five days before my husband lost his job. Five days before I started graduate school.

5. “God certainly blesses our prayer and our hopes, but to break cycles and provoke lasting change we must be willing to deliberately cooperate with Him.” Beth Moore. Boy, this is so hard to even type. But, oh so true. I need to be more willing to cooperate with Him and this is where true joy is found in Him. I believe it now.

Day 23, 24, 25 and 26

2010-07-20T21:59:00.000-04:00

Better late than never.

I am going to write specific quotes from people that have made an impact on me this week.

1. Ann Voskamp's words,
"Maybe more than scientific, conclusive evidence of the reality of a Greater Being moving the strings behind the vaporous veil of the universe, maybe the dark depths of us really long for the filling of a wounded, weeping God who doesn’t write answers in the stars but writes His ardency in our scars.

With His scars.

Maybe in ditches and by death beds, maybe we aren’t seeking evidence of God as much as we are seeking an experience with God.

And maybe that is precisely what God has given, day after day, right here in the midst and the mess —- not hard evidence, but a holy experience.

2. A hymn we sang at church this past Sunday, "How sweet the name of Jesus sounds in a believer's ear! It soothes his sorrows, heals his wounds, and drives away his fear. Dear Name! the rock on which I build, my shield and hiding place, My never failing treas'ry filled with boundless stores of grace." Trinity Hymnal "How Sweet the Name of Jesus Sounds."

3. 3 John 1-4
¹This letter is from John, the elder.
I am writing to Gaius, my dear friend, whom I love in the truth.
² Dear friend, I hope all is well with you and that you are as healthy in body as you are strong in spirit. ³ Some of the traveling teachers recently returned and made me very happy by telling me about your faithfulness and that you are living according to the truth. ⁴ I could have no greater joy than to hear that my children are following the truth.

4. "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might." Ephesians 6:10

5. "My heart is ruined because there are no more PopTarts." La.....please pray for patience, love, calmness with my girl.

6. "Of course you suffer. But, your suffering is part of God's providence in your life; he is working out his purpose through it. For in his plan, suffering leads to glory and helps to create it(Rom. 8:17). Suffering is the friction which polishes our graces. Without it we would be all the poorer as reflectors of the image of His Son." Dr. Sinclair Ferguson

7. "You are never more Christlike than when you feel another's hurt and seek to help." Warren Wiersbe

Day 21 and 22

2010-07-17T16:32:00.000-04:00

1. making $19 today at a yard sale. note to self: plan a little better.

2. Blue skies.

3. Big and fluffy clouds.

4. pistachios (but not the whole bag that I just ate.)

5. trusting in Jesus.

6. stepping out in faith and being ok with our house selling or not.

7. cleaning out feels so good.

8. thankful for feeling grateful because it feels so much better than being grumpy, worried, fearful or apprehensive.

9. a standing fan blowing on me all night long leads to dreamy sleep for moi. i am in love.

10. sweet potato fries.

11. good smelling lotion.

Day 19 and 20

2010-07-15T18:17:00.000-04:00

1. I slept 8 hours last night. Wonderful. Refreshing. Amazing.
2. Peace and quiet today. My kiddos are with my in laws:-D
3. laundry only took 2 hours instead of 5 because the kids were not here.
4. chicken on the grill cooked by my fabulous hubby.
5. my sister’s….Anna, Amelia and Susan.

6. tired of being a worrier. enjoying being grateful.

7. "Gratitude Attitude" truly inspired because of my friend, Lauren

8. obedience equals happiness happens to be very true I have discovered lately.

Day 18/1000 gifts

2010-07-12T23:39:00.000-04:00

68. fabulous, fun, spontaneous date night with L and good friends.

69. climbing a rock wall and making it up half way.

70. wings and raw fries(extra crispy).

71. growing children.

72. the ability to walk and go wherever I want to go. (Would you please pray for the Denny's?) Please watch the video that my amazing friend Lorien did for them....get some kleenex.

73. m loving to read.

74. being inspired to step out of the box and not do everything just "so."

75. Jesus.

Day 17

2010-07-11T14:46:00.000-04:00

1. a voice. I know I need to learn to keep it shut sometimes, but I love in this verse he says, “Has the Lord redeemed you? Then speak out! Tell others he has redeemed you from your enemies.” verse 2. He saved me and I have a voice, whether I say it inwardly to myself or to someone else. I am thankful for a voice.

2. i am thankful that your (my friend Lauren:)) dad raised a pretty awesome kid:) aren’t you proud….i used my voice to give a witness;)p.s. she has started a gratitude endeavor. click on her link and join in!

3. ice cream with creamy peanut butter all swirled up in it and the ability to lick the bowl:)

4. the realization this morning that I can specifically pray for my real father in a way I hadn’t imagined before.

5. coupons and dave ramsey

I was pretty lazy and copied what I posted on Lauren's blog:)

Day 16

2010-07-10T11:56:00.000-04:00

1. a fun week at the beach

2. my bed at home that is calling my name

3. buttered popcorn

4. dt. dew

5. sweet text messages from friends

6. laughter

7. boot camp that will begin again when we get home

8. the four year old boy who asked if he could play with my sister (La)

9. a tan

10. my sister's

Day 14 and 15

2010-07-08T09:37:00.000-04:00

1. old Dukes of Hazzard cars

2. girl time

3. watching the sunset by myself on the beach

4. a little girl playing pretend with her stuffed animals

5. baby lizards

6. Francine Rivers

7. my parent's

8. La is thankful for Jasper(our dog)...she is helping me:)

9. I love mama...awwww;) melt my heart, baby!

10. the trees, the blankets, the beds and sandcastles on the beach

11. M.....

12. the pool

Day 13

2010-07-06T22:14:00.000-04:00

Trying real hard today.

Got some news that my parents aren't coming to the beach.

The reason.

Well, I can't really talk about it here.

I will say this:

"Money is never more important than people or relationships."

My parents have been done wrong....a little Bama' slang for ya.

I did find myself grasping for things I am thankful for.

1. a long run down a beautiful street.

2. a few hours alone at the beach.

3. seeing a husband kiss his wife on the forehead at the beach as he strolled her on the beach(she was in a wheelchair.)

4. riding waves with La.

5. jumping waves with La.

6. seeing my children having fun with their daddy in the ocean.

7. carrying La on my back down the beach to get slushies.

8. blue and red stained mouths.

9. leftovers for dinner.

10. telling my children about my childhood dog, Brownie. she was the best.

11. the stork that landed on the beach right by a little girl fishing.

12. rubbing the sand through my fingers.

13. Titus 3:9-11

14. stacy's pita chips on the beach.

15. pina colada's on the beach

16. family. friends.fellowship.

17. Jesus

18. Grace

19. Mercy

20. Love

Day 8, 9, 10, 11 and 12

2010-07-05T22:58:00.000-04:00

So, I am on vacay.

I am combining a few days.

1. "I love seeing things you don't see everyday." M's comment while at the beach with his dad.

2. having a water gun fight with M.

3. sunsets in the clouds.

4. baby alligators swimming in the lagoon.

5. squeals from my kiddos when a man caught a shark and then almost dropped it on them.

6. "I think I am allergic to sharks." La's comment after the shark almost dropped on her.

7. Thankful for humor.

8. "You like my braids?" My girl flirting with 2 boys at the pool. What am I going to do with her?

9. Starting a new book.

10. actually napping and not feeling guilty.

11. sugar free, fat free chocolate pudding

12. Palmetto Cheese

13. I don't have to weigh in this week.

14. I don't have to weigh in this week.

15. I don't have to weigh in this week.

16. seeing a son taking pictures of his mom and her not knowing he was taking them. so. sweet. and. precious.

17. La asking about our wedding tonight.

18. good coffee that awaits me in the morning.

19. my new fav toenail polish Commander in Chic. It. ROCKS:)

20. letting go of the past.

21. open and excited about the future.

1000 gifts

2010-07-05T14:42:00.000-04:00

55. This precious girl and her momma, Donna.

56. watching my boy on the dock fishing.

57. laughter and squeals at the beach.

58. my girl, who is always eager to make new friends.

59. smores dripping down faces.

60. sleeping in until 8:30 this morning......ahhhhh!

61. not feeling guilty about sleeping in.

62. lazy days on the beach.

63. jasper our doggie...he has been so good on our trip.

64. God's Word

65. even the fact that children have continued to stir up trouble between each other, they still have each other.

66. Also, the gift of knowing that we are not perfect only He is.

67. His Grace and Mercy.

Day 7

2010-06-30T23:59:00.000-04:00

I am kind of feeling like my friend Gwen.

My four year old had shots.

My seven year old has the tummy aches and overall yucky feeling.

Three days in the house.

Whining.

Crying.

Stirring up trouble.

More whining.

I want to cry.

So, I did.

Maia is leaving tomorrow.

She has been my faithful running pal for 2 years.

I'm sad.

I cried.

Big booger cries.

I let it all out.

It felt good to get it out.

I already miss her.

But, here are a few things I am thankful for today:

1. Amidst the house bound chaos I listened to my children have a conversation about God.

2. As I was leaving Barnes and Noble I saw three people holding hands and praying aloud.

3. We leave or vacation in 36 hours, 15 minutes and 22 seconds.

4. We leave for vacation in 36 hours, 14 minutes and 48 seconds.

5. I read this entry and walked outside, sat on the slide....took a deep breath and looked up, looked in and looked down.

6. The cardinal I saw as I left Maia's house for the last time.

Has anyone read this book? I read a little of it while I was in Barnes and Noble. He is the pastor of my sister's church in Birmingham. I might get it to read on vacation. Oh, wait...we are now on a budget. I will wait until it comes to the library or if someone let's me borrow:) Or if I make some money tomorrow selling some of my jewelry......

Day 6

2010-06-29T22:39:00.000-04:00

1. I am thankful that even though some days it is a struggle to come up with all the things I am thankful for, I still do it. Intentionally. And it feels better.

2. Good, long conversation with my sis

3. I love that Lawson loves to wear her tutu everywhere.

4. cleaning out feels so good....but I am exhausted:)

5. thankful that i am about to crawl into my comfy bed:)

6. Oh, and thankful for the beautiful rainbow we saw tonight after our last photography lesson from LO.

Multitude Monday.....1000 gifts

2010-06-28T22:07:00.000-04:00

46. being able to take my sweet girl to her four year old check up and get to see her be so brave when she got 5 shots.......broke my heart. She was so brave, though. SO.BRAVE.

47. frosted flakes tasted soooooo good for dinner tonight.

48. the homemade cinnamon roll bread was delicious for dessert. (i am not going to weigh in tomorrow. i am going to run;))

49. finding something to encourage my hubby with.....letting him know that his dreams are my dreams too.

50. walking in faith is not being able to see, but knowing in your heart that Jesus is enough. trusting in Him. loving Him. seeing Him in everything. praising Him. adoring Him. in awe of Him. glorifying Him. enjoying Him.

51. true Peace and contentment can only come from Him.

52. little boys sleeping with their daddy's book beside them.....he sleeps with his eyes half way open and it is really freaky;)

53. being able to reminise through old photos and realize that my babies are growing.

HOW can this be my babies two years ago?

54. Life.